From Trauma to Testimony: Addiction, Faith, and the Hard Work of Healing - EP. 17

Some stories don’t fade; they get reclaimed. We sit down with Earl and Angie for a deeply honest journey through trauma, addiction, and the kind of recovery that stands up in the real world—courtrooms, crowded rooms, and late-night panic alike. Their message is simple and strong: addiction is an outward symptom of an inward wound, and freedom begins when you stop reacting, start responding, and let a real community walk with you.

Angie shares how meth offered a counterfeit peace that silenced the noise of unspoken abuse—until a faith-based recovery program, therapy, and character work gave her a new voice and a sealed record. Earl opens up about coping with pain through alcohol and the moment he traded performance for peace. Together, they teach practical tools you can use today: breathing and grounding for anxiety, identifying triggers, replacing reaction with response, and changing the language you use about your life. We also explore why the opposite of addiction is community, why vulnerability beats isolation, and how boundaries can love people better than enabling ever could.

For church leaders and volunteers, we get specific about what real help looks like: ask better questions, stock Narcan, set clear boundaries, create safe spaces, and build referral pathways to programs, housing, and jobs. For anyone in the fight, you’ll hear a repeatable plan: ID your triggers, choose your response, change your environment, and keep showing up. We also talk legacy—how reclamation means recovering what past generations missed and passing on peace, not chaos, to the people coming after us.

If you found value in this conversation, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs hope today. Your next brave step could be the one that changes everything.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome, Thanks, and Support Links
• 0:41 Meet Earl and Angie
• 2:41 Cutting Toxic Ties and Self-Work
• 5:08 Anxiety, Jesus in Gethsemane, and Feeling
• 8:00 Triggers vs. Responses
• 11:20 Earl’s Early Trauma and Alcohol
• 15:06 Breaking Point and Finding Peace
• 18:18 Angie’s Abuse, Descent, and Meth
• 24:18 Arrest, Program, and Real Faith
• 28:10 Sealed Record and Second Chances
• 32:13 Marriage, Trust, and New Patterns
• 35:20 Teaching Recovery: Skills and Life
• 38:28 Identifying Triggers and Owning Them
• 42:12 Vulnerability, Community, and Church
• 46:10 How Churches Can Truly Help
• 50:20 Calling, Confidence, and Women Leading
• 55:04 Legacy, Anointing, and Reclamation
• 1:01:20 Laughter, Joy, and Daily Life
• 1:03:20 Final Hope and Practical Encouragement
• 1:04:34 Subscribe, Links, and Farewell

Transcript

SPEAKER_03: 0:00

Today, on another episode of Faith and Failures, we're going to be tackling addiction and we're going to be talking about recovery. Stick around. Before we get into today's video, I just wanted to say thank you to all of the new subscribers. If you haven't yet, consider subscribing. Hit that bell notification so that you can see every time I put out a new video. A major portion of you that watch my videos haven't subscribed yet, so why not? It's free. You can also find a PayPal link below if you want to give a one time or give a monthly to support the channel. Anything great or small is appreciated. Now let's get into the video. Today I have a couple of special guests with me. Uh, we're going to be talking about something they're very passionate about. Uh, they actually right now are in Oklahoma and they are dealing daily with people of addiction, um, which is something very dear to my heart because I used to be addicted. Most of you that have been around, you've heard my story of meth addiction and the recovery and that process of how God radically changed my life. So we have some firsthand people who not only dealt with that personally, that God saved them and pulled them out of the jaws of hell, but now they have turned around and they are helping people escape the the fate that the enemy has for them. So, Earl, Angie, Lindsay, thank y'all so much for joining me today. Uh, you can say hi to the camera. Hello. This camera just for a second.

SPEAKER_00: 1:32

Get it up closer. Come a little bit closer.

SPEAKER_03: 1:36

That's a whole lot of money.

SPEAKER_01: 1:37

See that in there.

SPEAKER_03: 1:39

I probably will. Sometimes I don't like it. I don't spend a lot of time editing, they don't like everybody learning.

SPEAKER_01: 1:44

Bro, it bothers me because I look like Big Ed in the past.

SPEAKER_03: 1:51

Yeah, but I'm a little embarrassed now. No, I know they're they're really only about 150 pounds. It's just the wide angle lens.

SPEAKER_00: 1:58

That's why I'm telling you, you know, it's all the cameras. That's it.

SPEAKER_03: 2:03

So uh this is Earl and Angie. They are um married. How long have been y'all been married? Four years, October the 1st. So still newly wears. Yes. So technically, I'm I've got a lot more wisdom than y'all do because we married 10 years, right? Is that how it works? Might be. Maybe, yeah. Seriously, maybe yeah. No, Earl actually, oh wild boom. Uh we actually were raised around each other. Our dads were best friend pastors in the assembly god uh sphere, and we grew up together. So don't be emailing or comment and asking for stories because he probably has got them. We have a lot, a lot of stories we can talk about. So let's follow who wants to start first. Let's go back to I told him a little bit. I may have said it to you today at lunch too. Kind of go back to the beginning, tell kind of your beginning of your life, how it all started. Um, maybe a lot of people, there's there's some key things that people forget to understand. They try to say, I want to be free, but they still surround themselves with things that bind them daily.

SPEAKER_04: 3:03

Exactly. Right.

SPEAKER_03: 3:04

So, like you you preached on uh today about the toxic things in their life. Sometimes those the hardest things to walk away from are are the relationships.

SPEAKER_04: 3:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 3:12

Right. And if you can get rid of some of those, yeah, then you can really start walking in freedom because you don't have that dead weight anymore.

SPEAKER_01: 3:18

Right. Just like we were starting this morning, it also starts off with us working on ourselves. Yeah. When we start with ourselves, that's where everything changes. Because I'm the only person I can change is me. Yeah. And when I start changing me, that's when everything else in my life changes.

SPEAKER_00: 3:32

Yeah, those people just naturally want to leave because you're no longer toxic and you know, you're kind of drawn to other toxic people. So when you lose that toxicity, then people are like, Yeah, I don't uh that's not for me anymore. And so they just kind of naturally fall off, which is a blessing, really.

SPEAKER_03: 3:51

I explained to um somebody who's talking, or they asked me, you know, it it feels like depression is trying to get me again. It feels like anxiety is trying to get get me again. And I said, Well, you gotta start realizing who you are. And it's like it's like when you as a teenager, most of us by the time I'm about to be 40, most of us by the time we hit 40, we can't fit in the same clothes we could when we were in high school. And I told her, I said, You got to look at that, whatever it is in your life, whether it's depression, addiction, anxiety, whatever, and say, I don't have to wear you anymore, I've outgrown you.

SPEAKER_04: 4:27

Right.

SPEAKER_03: 4:27

And when you start acting that way, it makes it where you can get rid of some things in your closet that you don't ever touch, you don't ever wear, but they're still there, and things like that can linger.

SPEAKER_01: 4:37

Well, usually addiction is an outward symptom of an inward struggle. Exactly. Once I work on me inwardly, the things on the outside change. So the same way, if I look at my roots, look at the things in my life that I struggle with and find the root cause of why I struggle with them, now I no longer have the desire to have the addiction. I no longer have those things in my life because I don't desire them anymore.

SPEAKER_04: 5:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 5:03

And for me, you know, um I've had anxiety and depression. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, and I felt a lot of guilt and shame about that for a really long time. Um, and I kind of hid it, and um, which only made it worse. And so I was in the Bible studying, and I was led to the scripture about when Jesus went to the garden and I began to read the situation and I realized that was anxiety. That was an anxious moment for him. He felt that. And it's okay to feel those things, it's not okay to sit in them. So now when I have a moment of anxiety or I have a moment where I'm just not feeling it that day, I allow myself to have that emotion that day. I allow myself to feel it for a moment, but then I push through it and I don't let anxiety take a hold of me. Um, and there's a difference of experiencing anxiety and being overcame with anxiety. So that's what we teach our clients is it's okay to feel it. And a lot of times we use drugs to squash feelings, like push them down. You know, you don't want to feel anything. So you use the drugs to get rid of them. And so we don't want them to feel like they can't have those emotions. We want them to know you're gonna have them because life is gonna life and it's sometimes it's gonna life really hard. So feel it, understand it, and then figure out what you need to do to push past it, what you need to do to change the situation so that you're not experiencing it every single day. But there's no shame and experiencing it. It's just when you allow it. Yes, it is. I mean, if Jesus experienced it, I mean, he created us. So all of these emotions that we have, they're there to help us with certain circumstances in our life. So feel them, have them, but don't allow them to dictate whether or not you're gonna get out of bed that day, or whether or not you're gonna go find some a drug somewhere, or whether or not you're going to make a permanent decision based on that temporary emotion that you're having in the moment.

SPEAKER_01: 7:09

Yeah. And the key word there is moment, because we're gonna have moments. Once we understand that our uh emotions, our feelings, and all that, it's just seasonal, which they come and go. So what happens is when I have a moment, I gotta realize it's just temporary, it's not permanent. And when I realize that it is not uh it is temporary, then it makes it easier for me to say, okay, this is just my moment, this is this feeling that I'm having right now. Instead of holding on to it, I can actually process it. One of the things I teach our clients is for a second when I'm having a trigger or when I'm going through a process with that, why am I having this emotion? Why am I feeling this way? What are the those are the questions I ask myself? Why, why am I feeling this way? Why am why am I doing what I'm doing? Because a lot of times when I get triggered, what I do, I react.

SPEAKER_04: 8:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 8:02

And when I react, then I'm I'm making a mistake because I'm in my emotions. And so when I learn, it's just that moment. It's just that minute that I can just stop and go, okay, why am I going through this? What do I need to do to change it? Because I've got to change what's going on. And then you work through those things.

SPEAKER_03: 8:20

I think it's very powerful when you're in the middle of something, or you know, you want to plan ahead. You want to have a plan before you get to it. Right. The danger is trying to in the middle of it, you're reacting and you don't have a plan, and then everything just goes crazy. You end up in a ditch somewhere, or in a bar somewhere, or in in a in a bedroom somewhere, and you never you never meant to get there, but just things happen. And like I I think I told you this, it might have been yesterday. So the car I have is a sunroof thing. And I'm looking up, and and I opened it up when I opened it up close to the baby. She's like, Wow, you know, because it's moving, and then opens it up, and I'm like, well, it's not that pretty of a sky. I saw a little cloud off to, you know, because it's long shaped off over here, and I'm like, it's not even that pretty. My wife looks up, she's in the passenger seat, and she goes, What are you talking about? There's clouds everywhere. I said, I'm looking at it. No, there's not. And she said, baby, there's big, beautiful clouds all around. Where where I was sitting, same vehicle, where I was sitting, just a few feet away, yeah, I couldn't see what she could like. My world didn't look like her world, and we were in the same exact vehicle going the same direction, doing this, you know, and I could not see it. But a lot of times we get wrapped up in like um how we see things, as it only being one way. But if we if we view it, and it's paramount that if we view it as just being a moment, as being a season, and sometimes we need those people in our lives that can see the clouds and we can that that will help us get to the next next season in our life.

SPEAKER_01: 9:50

It's kind of like being offended. When I'm when I'm offended and get offended, I say this all the time. I hear a fence, see offense, speak offense. What do I do? Now now I'm being offense. Yeah. So my perception gets off because I'm offended. I'm in my box, I'm in my own world, I'm trapping my own self in. And as long as I can see beyond that offense, I'm gonna allow that offense to control me. I call that all the time unplugging the vacuum cleaner. Yeah, whenever you don't give it power, it can't control you. So instead of reacting, learn to respond and realizing, okay, I don't need to react, I need to do something different to respond. Because as long as I give to whatever, whatever's there, give it what it wants, it's gonna control me. But if I give it a healthy response, guess what? I'm still in control. Yeah, I can manage myself.

SPEAKER_00: 10:43

Yeah. God's really been dealing with me lately about perception and um my words. So now instead of saying I have to go to work today, I get to go to work today. That's a lot of people have that. And and my our clients, I've been working with them, and you know, like, I have to do this program that I'm in. No, you get to do this program that you're in. They'll say, I have to UA today. No, you get to UA today.

SPEAKER_04: 11:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 11:12

And they'll say, Yeah. And you know, our perception becomes our reality.

SPEAKER_04: 11:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 11:18

So if we are always perceiving things to be negative and monstrously big, then they are monstrously big. But if it if we change our perception of things and really like start speaking more positivity into our life, it your life becomes more positive. It's just a natural way of things.

SPEAKER_03: 11:38

Yeah. So y'all been married for you said over four years. Now, I know that y'all used to date, right? And then she left you. All right.

SPEAKER_01: 11:48

So you left me, like left me high and dry for my feelings, everything, you know. But he's still trying to heal. Yes, I'm still trying to heal.

SPEAKER_03: 11:56

But so now I kind of know your story, but the viewers don't. So we can just kind of go one by one. What was your story? What was the atmosphere? Did you get into drug addiction? Was it alcoholism? Was it womanizing, whatever the case may be? All these are things covering up something. Yes. So a lot of people think, well, only people that have had bad lives. For instance, my dad was a pastor, my parents were married, you know. Oh, we know that feeling. Yeah. So what what was it that got you in the direction of where you were going? And then with how did you start?

SPEAKER_01: 12:25

With me started with my childhood. Because I actually I actually started drinking some by the time I was probably about 14. Um, but that's also the year too that I try to take my life. Um so for my childhood, I have been it'd been a struggle for me because I've had so many things happen in my childhood, even though I was a pastor's kid, a pastor's grandkid, but the religious abuse, the physical abuse, the verbal abuse was real. Uh and for most of my life, honestly, up until a few years ago, I I had been abused in some areas of my life in some way, form, or fashion. And it did start at a young age. Um, up until I was 18. Truth, I mean, me and you hung out, but there was a lot of times I never said anything. I was to myself. Uh, I wouldn't want to talk to anybody because I was scared of people, I was scared of things, and all because of the anxiety, the frustration, the stigma from that abuse put me in that place. Uh, and I remember it started then. Uh, my first drink was actually with my brother-in-law. He actually put it in my drink in my coke, and I actually drank for the first time. That's when I was like, okay, this changes everything. And you didn't know about it, or you at first I didn't know about it, and then I said, Well, it made me feel better about myself. Yeah. And so I thought, well, this is maybe what I need to do. And then over time, it got to by the time I was 18, I was already drinking behind the scenes. Nobody really really knew that I was doing those things. Now I was still going to church. Yeah. Like everybody else, you know, I still playing music. Yeah. I mean, there was times that I went to church, played it, played at church, had a little hangover, but I played at church, you know. Uh, even when my dad was pastor in one church, that I I got blessed to being pastor. And I even got drunk and run the Valentine party and the fellowship hall. So all those things began there with all the trauma, the drama, all the mess. Then I met her and her and I started dating for a little bit, and then we broke up, went our separate ways. Um, once we went our own separate ways, I ended up getting married to somebody else. She got married to somebody else, she had kids, I got married to somebody else, I had kids, and we just kind of went through a life. Uh, and both of us ended up bad marriages, both of us ended up in toxic situations, and both of us ended up in an addiction. Um but when we got to that place just a few years ago, well, it's been what nine, ten years ago, I guess. When I got to a point that I actually found the peace that I was looking for. That's when I was like, I don't need nothing to drink anymore. That was really the last time I took a drink.

SPEAKER_03: 15:14

Now, in this whole time, were you I know you've been a pastor, you've been uh working in the church. Are you drinking and doing this church stuff?

SPEAKER_01: 15:21

I wasn't far as when I was a pastor, did not drink. Yeah, but in between things, yes. Yeah, and I struggled because I had to do it to cope. I had to deal with the with my family and with being married to somebody who was toxic, and it was very difficult for me. Um, that was one of the ways I had to deal with it. Um and it was very, very hard. Now I didn't do it, seriously didn't do it when I was pastoring, but when we was in between church and ministry, I did do it. So what really got me changed was one day I was standing in my kitchen and I was praying and told God, I said, Nobody even loves me. Nobody even cares about me. Nobody even really It's just like I don't even know why I'm alive. Don't I understand? And God spoke to me today, he said, Well, there are people that do love you, and I said, God, there isn't. Nobody cares. And he said, Well, your kids love you. And I said, You know, my kids love you, loves me, but you know, God, God, that's it, you know, and God's like, but I love you. I said, Well, God, you've always loved me, you know. And I said, But nobody else loves me, even though I've loved everybody else, they have never loved me. And then God spoke to me the day and he said, That you understand how I feel. I said my son to die for everybody, and some still don't love me. And right there is when I found that peace that I was looking for. And from that point on, I never went back. That's when it changed. And through that process, again, that's where I went through again. I was in a bad relationship, a bad marriage, went through all that, and long story short, uh, I started going through divorce. It was just a very toxic situation, and I've been up kind of basically a prisoner home for a while, um, because of the divorce, the whole nine yards. And while I was going through the divorce, I get this little uh friend request on Facebook. And uh I looked was it from Jesus? It was from the Some of the Angel. It was from the night of sure, and I got this again. I was finishing up with my divorce through the process of that. I'm not I wasn't looking for nobody, wasn't looking for anything. And a friend request, it was Angie, and I remember looking at it and going, that was Angie. And I set it down on my desk at the office when I worked at the hospital, and I walked out my office, walked down the hall, and I walked down the hall, it's like, you know, I missed this opportunity last time she got away. And I went back, and first thing I was like, What's up? How you doing? How you doing? How you doing? You know, so and that's how it started. We became friends, started talking, and next thing you know, started dating. Next thing you know, we got married. And it's been an amazing journey. Um, I tell our time I wish I should have married her first. Right, you know, because we auto automatically then had a connection. Yeah. So right.

SPEAKER_03: 18:37

But but y'all weren't ready for each other then. We were not.

SPEAKER_00: 18:40

We were not. Um that was a time in my life um that I had not spoken about the abuse that I had been through and I had not healed from that, um, and I would not have been good for him at that time. And, you know, when his uh when his dad uh didn't really uh approve of our relationship, it just um it reinforced all of the bad opinions that I had of myself. And so I just bowed out gracefully um from that. Oh, so that's why you jetty, you was like, all right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 19:18

Burma heart and everything, man, just left me. Uh now she's making up for it. All right. Every day. You you can't you can't understand thirst until you walk through the desert, my brother. I understand. Now he's thirsty.

SPEAKER_00: 19:33

Because for me, the journey, the journey wasn't an easy one. My addiction um didn't start till late in my life, but the trauma that I went through started at a very early age. My earliest memory is at eight. Um, and from eight until I graduated, um when you say trauma, what do you mean? Uh sexual abuse. And um I didn't tell. Uh, there was a circumstance I had told my family about where they didn't believe me. Um, and so when the other abuse um just continued, I never said anything. Um, because, you know, why would you? People don't believe you when you say something. Um, and I felt like I didn't have a voice. Um, I didn't feel like I was heard. And that's one of the reasons why today I'm it's it's very triggering for me if I'm speaking and someone speaks over me because it it brings back those feelings that's a trigger of you don't have a voice, you're not being heard. And I have to process that at the moment and and not allow what's happening in the present to be um bring up a memory from the past. Um but I, you know, I graduated high school, um, and I honestly just felt like I had never been loved before. I didn't understand had no idea what love was. Um, and so I had a baby um and I wasn't married, and that was one of the big reasons why, you know, big daddy Ed didn't approve because I had I had a baby.

SPEAKER_01: 21:07

Um everybody claims he's mine.

SPEAKER_00: 21:10

They all think that it was Earl's, but um, I had a baby, he was two, and um Earl's, you know, Earl's dad didn't approve. He had big plans for Earl, and Earl was super talented. I saw that and I didn't still think you are. Yeah. But I didn't want to stand in the way of that. If he was, you know, destined for great things, I didn't want to be what held him back. And I didn't feel like I had great things in store for me. Um, and so I did leave. Um, we went to eat at Kentucky Fried Chicken in Pine Bluff, Arkansas. And then I went home back home to Camden and I called him and I said, This is just not, this is just not gonna work. And we we went our separate ways. Um, and uh about a year later I ended up getting married. It was a very bad situation, but it was just another episode of me searching for the love that I didn't really realize where it was supposed to come from. So I was seeking it in man. Um, and I'd been going to church, you know, forever. I'd read the Bible front to back um numerous times. Um after I got married, I my my dad had a church and or my adopted father had a church. And I was leading worship, I was doing the youth, I was teaching Sunday school, I was church treasurer, I was doing all of the things um that I had been taught, but the whole time stuffing the pain and everything that I had been through.

SPEAKER_03: 22:49

And then So all the all the the stuff you went through with the the trauma and the abuse, yeah, did did your husband at that time even know about it?

SPEAKER_00: 22:59

He did not.

SPEAKER_03: 23:01

So he was just keeping this bottled up and not saying a word to anybody. Right.

SPEAKER_00: 23:04

And then my um it was it was horrible because your brain never you you can say your stuff in it all you want to, but your brain is playing that video over in your head repeatedly, and it's that insanity that's in there. Um, and it was during that right after I got married, before we had any children, um I tried to commit suicide and they uh pumped my stomach and they brought me back and I was so mad because they had not allowed me to choose. I'd never been allowed to choose my fate. Like people just did things to me, and I and and now, you know, they didn't allow me to choose. Now I'm super grateful for that. Um, and then right after that, um my adopted father, we were never, I was never legally adopted, but he took me in, him and his wife took me in um when I couldn't live at home with my biological parents. And um he had a massive brain stem stroke and he was paralyzed from the neck down. He was a pastor, he had the most beautiful, tenor voice I'd ever heard. And I adored that man because he was a man who had been in my life, he never expected anything, and he never harmed me in any way. Um, and so it was very traumatic for me when he did that. And he lost his voice. And that and I mourned his voice like he, like, you know, part of him had died. Um, and then my husband left me and he just went on with his life. Well, his mother developed cancer, and I decided I would take care of her, even though we were separated and you know, divorcing. And um, she became paralyzed. And just like my dad at home, I was going back and forth taking care of both of them. And um when she got diagnosed, she was stage four. Um, and so she eventually like died in my arms. And I remember very vividly I had, like, I know it was at the time, I had no idea, but I had a psychotic break. I mean, when she passed in my arms, I can remember walking out on her porch and she had two rockers, one on each side of the door. And I remember sitting down in one and just I could see all of me sitting around, like different parts of my life, like all Angie's. And we just all decided that we were gonna check out. And so um, after that, you know, I had dabbled on and off in drugs, but at that moment when I decided to check out, I was all in because I'm an all-in person. Yeah, like I don't ever do anything halfway. It's like if I'm gonna, if I'm gonna do drugs, I'm gonna be the the highest person in the room. If I'm if I'm gonna praise God, I'm gonna be the the one who praises him the best. Like I just don't do anything halfway. And so I dove headfirst into addiction. Um, and it started, you know, with just smoking meth. Um, and then the day that I first used methamphetamines um intravenously, my brain got quiet. And all of those traumatic events weren't screaming in my head, and I was instantly hooked. Like that silence, that peace, um was it was it was controlling. I could I could have didn't never look back after that, right? And you know, now I know that um God always uh has something for us. He had peace for me, but the devil offered me a counterfeit peace. And at the time I was not, I didn't have a relationship with God. I only had a Bible knowledge of him and what um denomination had told me, which was I had to be perfect. And I knew I couldn't be that, so I had just ran. Um, and so I chased it for a really long time. I was arrested and charged with 13 felonies in one year.

SPEAKER_03: 27:09

13? Girl, you were busy. 13. When I took more than once a month, the over that's a baker's dozen.

SPEAKER_00: 27:14

I assault you. I am an overachiever. It's all in, right? And starting out of the park. And then when my judge got really tired of seeing me, um, you know, we're on first naval. Um, he uh they were just I had done like program after program, and then um they were like, Well, you've just never done regular probation. Maybe you'll do that. And they were just gonna throw me on regular probation. And I told them, if you put me on regular probation, I'm gonna be right back in here with sweet 14. Um, because when you say regular probation, what does that mean? Just that means to do nothing. Yeah, I just have to check in once a month.

SPEAKER_02: 27:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 27:52

You know, the programs I were in, you had to do UAs and you had to be there once a week and all of the things in there. Maybe that was too hard for you. Maybe you just need to do regular probation. And I was like, that's insane. I've been telling you guys that I have an addiction and that I'm going, it's gonna kill me. Um you were saying that to them. The last time I got arrested, I'm t I got arrested on February the 14th, Valentine's Day. And um it was crazy because I I didn't use that day. And I was hungry because I didn't use that day. And um we were sitting in a parking lot of an apartment building. Um, someone was gonna go in and see if they could get some food from their mom. Well, the person who was driving had been trespassed from that property. So here out of nowhere walks the police, and and the day before that I had saw my mom and she had finally put her foot down and just said, You can't come home anymore. It's just too hard on us. Um, and I when she left me, I said, God, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm I would rather die than wake up in this addiction ever again. And I had a plan. I had a a white Ford Explorer and I was planning on driving down a road in Camden. It was Mall Road. There was a curve and there was this huge pine tree. And I had planned to drive around that curve and drive into that tree because I just couldn't do it anymore. And um that was on the 13th, and then on the 14th, we're going to get food, and um, the cops walk up out of nowhere and they were like, Can I see some idea?

SPEAKER_03: 29:37

And I'm like, So one day I didn't do something.

SPEAKER_00: 29:41

Yeah. I'm like, I was like, um, sure. I show them my idea, and I knew because, you know, they had they had put me in a hundred different programs, and every time I just didn't do anything. So I knew that they were looking for me for absconding. So that day they took me in and And it was crazy because the girl that was driving, she was like, Oh, I'm so scared. I'm like, You're scared. I told her that day, I said, I'm gonna be gone for at least a year and a half. I had no idea what was in store for me. Um, so they arrest me.

SPEAKER_03: 30:15

That was gonna be the minimum if they got you again. That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00: 30:17

I don't know where I got that number. It was crazy. It just came to my head, I'm gonna be gone for a year and a half. And then I went to jail and I told them, you know, look, if you let me out, I'm just gonna end up back in here because I'm gonna use again because I've tried to white knuckle it and I can't do it. So they put me in a program. They sent me to Bastro, Louisiana, to Morehouse Women's Challenge. It's a free program for women. Um, they feed you, clothe you, house you for a whole year, and it's a faith-based program. It's in a Assembly of God Church, an old church. Um they still have church there, but um, they have a men's and a women's program. So the judge sentenced me to that and he told me, if you complete this program, your life is gonna be a better place. He said, But if you do not complete this program, I am going to make your life a living nightmare. And I knew he meant it because he was sick of me. Oh me. Um, and so I went to the program and um it's where I realized that all of the knowledge that I had in my head didn't translate to my heart, and it didn't translate to a relationship with Jesus. Um, and so I spent that whole year developing developing a relationship with Jesus and understanding that I I was never gonna be able to be perfect, and he really just never expected me to be. Um, and that changed my whole life.

SPEAKER_03: 31:40

So quick question. You said like when you you decided you're gonna check out, you said you started doing mess. That's a big jump. Like, where where did that like how did that connect with you say I'm gonna check out? Why mess? Like, why did you go to that drug? Did you have people you knew that? I did it.

SPEAKER_00: 31:58

I did. I had family.

SPEAKER_03: 31:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 31:59

Um, I had family um who had been in and out of jail using, and um I had hung out with them before, um, right after my divorce. Um I would go out with all like a group of them and I knew what they were doing. Um, I was drinking, but I wasn't, you know, using heavy drugs, but I knew they were. Um, and um so I knew it was accessible. And um, you know, they just looked like they didn't have a care in the world. They were having the time of their life. And um, and I just thought, you know, I'm gonna do that too. I'm I've just been burdened forever, so I'm just gonna go and do all the things that seem so fun. And it does seem really fun at first, um, but then it becomes a chore.

SPEAKER_04: 32:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 32:45

Like, yeah, now now I'm spending every single waking moment of my day and night seeking, searching, and and figuring out how to find it and how to find the money to get it.

SPEAKER_03: 32:56

You know how ridiculous if I would have put the effort into anything else, yeah. I'm talking about night and day. Yeah. Living off the little bit you have just so you can find more. Yeah. It was a constant search, and then you come up with not a lot or or like ever you're waiting on everybody, drug dealer time, like on another 15 minutes, that means three hours later, and it's like Yeah. Just a constant search, and like, dude, I thought about this the other day. I was like, man, if I gave half half of the attention and searching to God and falling in love with his word as I did looking for drugs, yeah, I'd be storming the gates of hell with a water pistol.

SPEAKER_01: 33:39

It's not even just drugs. The people even in our lives that we see, there's so many people use in the drama and the name blame game and all this other stuff. They literally in their mind, they plan everything to make sure those things go their way. And it's again, it's not just with drugs. Uh and when you see that energy, I told the person the other day, that person would put this energy in something productive, yeah. Wow, they would be unstoppable. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 34:11

Instead of being stuck in an addiction mentality.

SPEAKER_01: 34:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 34:15

And you know how did how did you get out of it? Yeah, I think you were sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off a minute ago.

SPEAKER_00: 34:21

The program.

SPEAKER_03: 34:21

Was that the program? That's what she got the relationship with Jesus. Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 34:25

Because you're in it, it's like you're in this little bubble, you know. And in my mind, when I was think about it, um, I it reminds me of like when I would watch um SpongeBob with my kids and they would see Sandy would be in the bottom of the ocean and she had a bubble. And it really was like that because you had accelerated healing and accelerated growth. Um, and that's where I realized that, you know, the using and stuff was just a symptom of what was hurting on the inside. And they had a psychologist there, so I I would go to therapy regularly and actually fetch your demons, not just cover them up. Yes, and told her everything and she would tell me, and I would, you know, I because I was scared. Like it's horrible. Some of the things that I have been through, I've had a therapist before tell me that they were traumatized by my story. And um, that's traumatic. Like, I don't even know. Can I tell you everything? I like you and you know, so tomorrow to be able to tell her everything and her not look at me different um was amazing. Tony, sister Tony, um, she was just this little short Italian lady, and she had the biggest, she has no idea the impact that she has on lives. Like she is short and she is small in stature, but her impact in the kingdom of God is humongous. Um, she helps people change their life. And they taught me things like accountability and they used a program. They they actually used the teen challenge program. They're not a teen challenge, um, but they went through the training and used their curriculum. So they taught me character development and how to like pick something that my my character is lacking and actively seek scripture and work on that in my life, like humility and tolerance and responsibility and all of those things. And I really just began to work on who I was. Um, and it was at the program um because uh when my dad lost his voice, I was so angry at God that I said, Well, I'll never, I will never sing for you. I will never use my voice for you again. I've I've had it. I will never go back, ever. And I meant it with every fiber of my being. And then at the program, um, this group came, I can't remember their name, but they came and it was crazy because I've never heard a group do this before. But they were up on stage and they were like, hey, do any of the women in this program sing? And I had never told anyone that I sang ever. And but I sang in praise and worship in my seat, and people had heard me, and they were like, Angie does. And so they called me up on stage, and now they're now and I'm like, how do I say no now? You know? So I go up there and they're like, Do you know any songs? And I'm like, God on the mountain, I know that one. Um, and so they played it and I sang it, and the walls began to like break. And um, I promise God that there would never be a time that anyone asked me to speak, to sing, to talk, anything, to share his glory. Would I ever silence myself again? Because he had given me a voice that people could hear, and I would never ever silence it again. And I haven't, I mean, he's like, No, she has the the receptionist at the office, they were like, How how well do you know your coworkers? And she said, I know that Angie sings praise and worship in the bathroom. So, you know, I'm just letting it out there, I'm letting people hear it.

SPEAKER_03: 38:12

So, what is uh what does the life look like when you I'm assuming there's like a graduation out of the program, right? Stuff like that. So all the things that you felt, because you you do you describe it as a bubble. Yes. Everything, it's like when you go on vacation and nothing is reality, yeah, but it's all real. You feel good, life is great, you go do a little shopping, you go to places you've never seen before, you put your feet in the sand, you know, whatever. Then you come back to reality. What did how how did you stay of a sober mind and actually keep all the progress that was developed in that program when you came out?

SPEAKER_00: 38:47

Well, that's where the year and a half comes back because the program is a year-long program. So I graduated the program and I said, God, am I ready to go home? And He did not give me liberty to go home. So I did an internship there. Internship is six months. It was a year and a half. I did an internship and I did completed the program. And after my internship, um I still said, God, is it time for me to go home? Now I have kids at home. My mom has them. They're they're still in school, and my mama heart has healed, and now I want to go home to my babies, but God didn't release me right away. So after I graduated my internship, I said, God, I'm gonna stay um until you open a door, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that you're saying that I am ready to go back to where I knew every drug dealer in town.

SPEAKER_04: 39:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 39:46

And so um there was a lady, her name was Pam Bland, she uh worked for the state of Arkansas, and uh she loved that ministry, and she would come up from uh Magnolia, Arkansas, and she would bring barbecue and she would just do stuff for the ladies, and she had met me, and I don't know why, but she just kind of liked me. And um, she called about a month after my inter internship was done, and she asked them, she said, Um, is Angie ready to go home? Because I have a job in my office that I would really love her to have. And I said, Okay, God, I hear you. Yeah. So um I told him I was leaving and I was going home and I moved back to Arkansas. Well, the job didn't it, jobs in the state are not like it's not like as soon as you leave, they open it. Like you have to wait for it to post to apply. So I got another job in the meantime because I needed to start making some money and taking care of my family. Um, and then when the job posted, I applied and I went in for this interview and I'm like, I'm a felon, you know, I've done all the things, I'm on probation.

SPEAKER_04: 40:54

Um Lisa.

SPEAKER_00: 40:57

So I I went in there and I'm like, but you know, with my judge, when I when I came back after completing the program, they ultimately only sentenced me to three felonies and um and one misdemeanor. So um, but it was on my record and I was on probation and I told them that in the interview. Well, something happened when they ran my name. Well, none of it popped up. So they hired me. Something. So I went to Arkansas, I went to Little Rock, yeah, and I did my training. Um, I was supposed to be there for two weeks, but um God really accelerated my my ability to learn what they were teaching me. Um, and so after a week, they said, You don't need to come back, just go and start work. So I went and um the they got a call in Little Rock um from my ex-husband, and he said, You know you have a felon working for you, right? So they re-ran my name.

SPEAKER_03: 41:52

Thank God for ex yeah so it was a live crucible.

SPEAKER_00: 41:55

So they re-ran my name and everything popped up. And so they called and they said, We're gonna have to let you go. So that time it popped up. It did.

SPEAKER_03: 42:03

That's on them.

SPEAKER_00: 42:04

Yeah, they said, We're gonna have to let you go, unless you can clear your record in three days. We'll keep you on at the in in three days. So I said, Well, it's been nice, Miss Pam.

SPEAKER_03: 42:19

Jesus resurrected on the I love you.

SPEAKER_00: 42:21

I said, I I'm so glad. I'm so grateful for everything that you've done for me, Miss Pam. You're an amazing woman. And she said, I'm not done with you. She said, Who was your judge? And I said, Well, it was you know, Hamilton Singleton. And she said, got on the phone, Mr. Singleton, my name is Pam Bland, and I am the hearing officer at driver control. And I have a young lady here that is an exceptional young woman. She is incredibly knowledgeable about what I need done, and I need her to work for me. What can you do to make this happen? He said, Well, let me think about it. And I thought, we've heard that before, right? I was like, I'm thinking about all of the times he saw me, right? I said, I'm like, so I go home and um He got BTSD for me. So I go home and my phone rang at nine o'clock the next morning. It was Judge Singleton. And he said, Um, Miss Wilson, because that was my my name at the time, Miss Wilson. Um, I need you to drive to El Doreda. I need you to pick up some paperwork. And I'm thinking, now I'm his heir in person, right?

SPEAKER_03: 43:32

We get it takes. I got a day and a half left.

SPEAKER_00: 43:35

So I I'm I'm listening, and he says, You're gonna pick up this paperwork, you're gonna take it to the prosecuting attorney's office. He is going to sign it, and then you're gonna take it to your probation officer, and she is going to sign it. Then you're gonna bring it to me and I'm gonna sign it. And then you're gonna drive it back to El Doreda and you're gonna take it to the clerk the clerk's office, they're gonna put it into record, and then they're gonna send it to ACIC, and I'm gonna have your record sealed. And um he said, but you can't be on probation and have your record sealed, so I'm I'm also gonna take you off probation.

SPEAKER_01: 44:12

Come on now.

SPEAKER_00: 44:14

And oh yeah, I looked at your file, and they made all of your court times consecutive instead of concurrent. And so they should have made them all go together. And so your fines are around six thousand dollars right now, but I'm gonna combine them all and it's gonna drop down to five hundred dollars. But I need you to pay that five hundred dollars when you go pick up the paperwork, and then you're you're not gonna be a felon, your record will be sealed. So in three days' time, my record was sealed, ACIC cleared me, the state of Arkansas re-ran my my name and it came back clean, and uh they put me back to work. And so um I am no longer a felon and I can work with kids, which I do now with the Boys and Girls Club. And um, you know, that's why that scripture today that I read in church, like what what you meant to harm me. Yeah, because ultimately they wanted me to be fired when they called.

SPEAKER_04: 45:17

Oh, 100%.

SPEAKER_00: 45:18

So you meant it to harm me. You just wanted me fired. But not only do I now still have my job, but I'm not a felon and I don't have fines. I don't have to go report every month. And um when I got all that done, she said to me, Miss Pam said, Um, Angie, it's not about what you know, it's about who you know. Always present yourself in a manner that is positive and make an impact on people's life because they will want to help you. And that has stuck with me. And um then she told me she was retiring in one year and she was grooming me to take her job. And so in one year after that, I became the hearing hearing officer, which is an administrative judge over driver's license in the state of Arkansas.

SPEAKER_01: 46:05

The felony.

SPEAKER_00: 46:06

So I went from standing in front of the judge to being a judge to God's good. And so um, from then, ever since then, my life has just, you know, been progressing. Um, and it's all because I understand that I cannot be perfect, but I can do all things through him. And there are days, you know, we went through a really traumatic event not long ago, and it was the first time in a very long time that my brain said, Oh, we should use. And I was like, wait a minute. No, but I have learned coping skills. So I I do have PTSD, and there are times that I have night terrors, and Earl has to get up in the middle of the night and and tell me how to breathe because it's overwhelming. The memories come back, stuff floods in, and the power is that once I'm through that moment, I don't stay in it. I don't allow it to stay in my life. Yes, there was a moment, I had a moment, but I moved past that. I've learned how to use coping skills in my life. I've learned that praise and worship is literally life for me. So he will help me breathe through the moment and then he will turn on praise and worship, and I will lay down and I will go to sleep. And, you know, life is just a whole different thing when you marry someone who um loves the Lord first and then puts you next. You know, um, it's just a different atmosphere. Um, and I had to learn how to accept that because you know, I had never had that kind of love. It was really hard for me at first. I'm very, I am hyper independent. Um, I plan everything. I mean, you never see her.

SPEAKER_04: 48:04

Yeah, it don't need you.

SPEAKER_00: 48:06

Yeah. And I I even told him one time, I don't need you. Yeah. So the key is you're gonna have to always make sure I want you.

SPEAKER_01: 48:14

Um, but I told her one time I said, let me be your husband, please. And she's like, What? Let me be your husband. There's some things that I can take care of as your husband that you don't have to do.

SPEAKER_00: 48:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 48:27

You don't have to worry about that. I'll take care of that.

SPEAKER_00: 48:30

I had to teach myself, but I had to, it don't just fall and you be like, Oh, I I want to, I wanna be someone who will let him do things for me. And then it just happens. You have to say, Okay, today I'm gonna allow him to pump my gas. Today, we're here at the day. Today, I'm like, I used to like money, like you would have I would have never turned my money on over to somebody because I have been taught through life that I had to take care of me.

SPEAKER_02: 49:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 49:00

But now he handles the finances and he'll say um something about the account. I'll be like, I don't know. I've not even looked at our checking account in like six months. I don't know what's in there. You're just that's you, you know, and that is that's that is like leaps and bound growth. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 49:19

So now y'all went through all this stuff. So kind of kind of tell the the viewers or the listeners, what is it that y'all do now? Not only what do you are you allowed to say what you're going to try to do? That is that uh yeah, is that covered up knowledge or is that that out there?

SPEAKER_01: 49:34

No, say some of it we can talk about. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 49:37

Everyone knows that our ultimate goal is to be a hundred percent in ministry. Like I mean, our jobs are ministry, like you know, we minister to people in addiction at work and we minister to I minister to the kids. I mean, I can't speak about God, but I can sure show them the love of God through what I do for them and how I treat them. Um so that's no secret. So that is the ultimate goal.

SPEAKER_01: 49:59

Like, yeah, everybody knows that. That's the part of it. We are working on our 501c3, get our own nonprofit so we can get things up and running. Eventually, we want to be in that ministry part of helping. Uh, we want to be able to not only help in the church, but also helping the community. We'll be able to connect with everyone um because we want to help everybody as much as we can. We are uh doing some new music, some new things that are coming up. Um, we've been recording some new stuff, writing some new stuff, which I'm I'm super excited about because that's kind of like my forte things I love the most. Um, but we are your boys and is Caden doing too, or just uh yeah. Yes, uh now we have uh my youngest son now is also playing drums and stuff for us now. Okay. Oldest son is um does the recording and help with the sound and help with all that, plus play bass and other instruments too. Yeah. So it's kind of a variety that we'll be able to do it all together. But at the same time, again, eventually it's gonna be a full-time deal that we'll be able to do and enjoy.

SPEAKER_03: 51:01

So on the on the the stuff that y'all do on a daily basis with the um what is it that y'all do at the jobs you have right now? Because I know y'all do quite a bit of of stuff with the rehabilitation and all that stuff. So what is it that y'all you're doing right now at your jobs?

SPEAKER_00: 51:18

Well, we um we teach classes um about the things that we've talked about, coping skills, um learning how to return to who you were before addiction um and to your purpose, like um, because addiction is all consuming.

SPEAKER_04: 51:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 51:34

Um and so um when you step out of it into recovery, um you you have to learn everything. You know, one time I read a a thing where they said if you start using at the age of 14 and you use for 10 years, when you quit, it's like you're 14 again because you've oh you're that's all you've to wear when you all that stuff. And so people have to learn how when I start abusive.

SPEAKER_03: 52:03

You're still a kid, well, yeah, it's that's a fact. That's okay.

SPEAKER_00: 52:06

But we teach them coping skills and life skills.

SPEAKER_03: 52:09

So can you pause on some of those and say what some of those would be?

SPEAKER_00: 52:12

Yeah. So when I teach a class on anxiety and coping skills, um, it's coping skills are going to be different for you than they are for me because your anxiety is different. Um, and so some coping skills for me that work is like I said a while ago, he he teaches me, he helps me to breathe. So I breathe through the moment, like deep breaths in through the nose and then out through the mouth. Um, and uh he will have me take a drink of my my water because you can't you can't be in that moment and also be in another moment. So things and he'll say, like, remember when we went to the beach?

SPEAKER_03: 52:47

So things that'll tether you back, bring you back around you to the reality of where you are and what's going on.

SPEAKER_00: 52:52

Like, what did the what did the sand feel like when you were walking on when you were at the beach? How did it feel?

SPEAKER_03: 52:56

You got something else that you remember makes your brain work in a different way.

SPEAKER_00: 52:59

Some people it's being outside in nature, some people it's a shower, like getting in a shower in the water.

SPEAKER_01: 53:06

A time machine. Yes, yes, but time machine. Yes. I love my showers with a week.

SPEAKER_00: 53:10

But it's my favorite coping skills are important because um without them, when that moment hits, and if you don't know what it is that will help you ground, then you're gonna succumb to the moment.

SPEAKER_03: 53:22

So, how can let's pause that for a minute. So, how can somebody say watching right now, they're having issues with uh addiction or anxiety or whatever the case may be, how how do they kind of dissect that or examine to find out what theirs is? Like what would those steps? Are there steps to get to where you can plainly see what that is for you?

SPEAKER_01: 53:42

Yes. Um, the main thing is is like we were talking about a little while ago, you gotta learn to discipline yourself to recognize yourself. So, what I have to do is I have to stop and go, what is the reason of this situation? Why am I being triggered? Why am I being triggered? Why do I have these emotions and why am I feeling this way right now?

SPEAKER_00: 54:04

And you have to realize that the only person responsible for your triggers are you. So just because if Earl's actions are triggering me, I can't put it off on him. I have to say, okay, I was triggered.

SPEAKER_03: 54:18

Now I need to What is it that he said that it's spurring something up and be like, Yes, and you have to own it.

SPEAKER_00: 54:24

Like um being able to own the fact that I'm triggered and it's not him, it's me. And then recognize, okay, what is it about that that why did that trigger me? Okay, now I need now I know that it triggers me. So when someone else comes at me and they're doing it, what can I do to get through the moment?

SPEAKER_04: 54:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 54:45

What is gonna work? Let's say for him and I, I told him early on, you can't trap me in a room. I will freak out. So he doesn't stand in the the door like to block my exit from a room because it it makes me have a panic attack. But I told him, it's not you. It's not you. You're not scaring me. I'm not afraid of you. It's a trigger for me from my past. So, what what what helped us get through that moment is okay, I communicated with him. I told him that is something that triggers me. And he said, Okay, I won't, I won't do that. Um, and also he'll say, you know, he'll he'll make sure when we go somewhere, if we're in a like a place that's very crowded, sometimes it makes me shut down. Like last night when we went to eat at Roadhouse, he was like, Are you okay? You're being quiet. And he's like, I'm like yeah, and I'm like, Yes, I'm okay. You know, he knows that a lot of people talking at once because I do have hypersensitivity because of PTSD. So I'm always aware and I'm always looking for an exit. Um, and so he knows that that does that for me. So he just helps ground me by saying, It's okay. Um, it's gonna be okay. We're just here to eat. And I'm like, yeah, I know it's gonna, it's gonna be fine.

SPEAKER_03: 55:59

So so talking, you just kind of like the breathing thing with the middle of the night, just kind of talking, you do it, and it's that assurance, right? Everything is normal, everything's okay, you're safe.

SPEAKER_01: 56:09

Yes. What I had to learn the way I learned to do it was I had some people that was in my childhood that I kind of grew up with. And we was at uh a wedding, and those people were there, and I totally got triggered. And she came to me, she's like, You're acting weird. I'm like, Yeah, I'm I'm just I mean, my anxiety threw the roof. I was just like going crazy. I just could not sit still, stay calm. She's like, You're just being different. I said, Yeah, I'm working, I'm being triggered. And I didn't at the time know why, but then I stopped and realized and so started asking myself, okay, why am I having this? Why am I having these emotions? And it brought by different scenarios of things that happened in my childhood with those people. And the first thing I said was, okay, how do I fix this? Because I don't want this. Yeah, I don't I don't want this at all. And so at that moment, I was like, if I don't confront it, it's not gonna go away. So that day she she thought it was strange, but I actually walked up to the table, sat at the table, and had a full-on conversation with those people. And because I had to face that fear, I had to face that trigger, I had to face those things. Later on, we even now when we go back to um Camden, those some of those people are there. I see them, I don't get affected by that anymore because I'm not afraid anymore. Face it, yeah. Because I face it, I confront it and I deal with it. It's the same way when I'm working through those emotions. Okay, why am I having this? Why is it going on? How do I change the direction? I always say this in my classes. Uh I ID, I choose and then I change. ID what the problem is and understand why it's happening, then I choose whether I'm gonna change the situation or not change the situation. And then if you get to the part of changing, change and whether I'm gonna continue to do the same thing or I'm gonna change the whole scenario. Yeah. And when I do that, it changes everything about those triggers. And then if you find out they don't come as often, yeah. You find out you don't get as emotional anymore. Those things no longer bother you anymore.

SPEAKER_00: 58:09

When you identify your triggers, it's almost like it just they they don't they're not as big because they don't have that power of I try to make you they're trying to be their master over you is what it is.

SPEAKER_03: 58:22

I mean you are their slave until you break free.

SPEAKER_01: 58:25

And so of course, like I was saying earlier about response, response, and react. Yeah, if I react, I give them the power.

SPEAKER_02: 58:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 58:35

Okay. But if I don't give them what they want, I give them a response. Therefore, you're not getting what you want, I maintain the control. Yeah, I maintain the peace, I maintain Earl. And if I maintain myself, I can discipline myself to make sure that I'm still in bounds. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 58:55

Open communication is really important too. Yes. In any relationship you're at. Like um, if you keep stuff that bothers you a secret and nobody knows, then they're just constantly doing it, then it just kind of builds. But once you communicate that, and people are really understanding. I tried to teach that in my class the other day. I I told someone the story about, you know, Earl early on knew not to block my exit. And the girl didn't really want to hear it. Um, and she said, Well, you can't just go through life expecting people to move out of the way for you if they're blocking your door. And I said, Yes, I can. I absolutely can. I have I have the right to say I'm not, I don't want to be blocked in. Now I communicate, I because I communicate openly with people. Hey, you know, it really bothers me if you stand in in the door. Um, it's not that I don't trust you, it's just, you know, there's just a lot of trauma from my past. And so I'm very open about it. And I'm I have found that it's less and less bothering.

SPEAKER_03: 59:54

So so you're talking about triggers and and how Earl has been there for you. Now, some people, I I'm assuming probably a lot of people, either they feel like they can't go to their spouse or they don't have a spouse. Um, you mentioned earlier about accountability. Uh what's some ways or or maybe some some relief on them? You said people are really understanding, but how how can they maneuver that or how can they deal with that if they feel like they're by themselves and they don't have anybody? Like what what what do you do if you feel like you don't have anybody to to help you with that?

SPEAKER_00: 1:00:33

The opposite of addiction is community. When you have a community of people, so if you have sheltered yourself away and you don't have people that you talk to, that's a problem.

SPEAKER_03: 1:00:43

Yeah. So what I Which is what the natural response is. You want to pull away, you want to seclude, you want to nobody can touch me and hurt me if I'm by myself. I call it my box.

SPEAKER_04: 1:00:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:00:53

Okay. Because what happens is I put up walls. My first, my first instinct is to put up a wall. Yeah. You hurt me, you're not getting to me. But what you understand is when you put up walls over time, you box yourself in. Yeah. When you box yourself in, you box yourself out of opportunities, you box yourself out of people, good people in your life, you box yourself in yourself, and you're stuck in yourself.

unknown: 1:01:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:01:17

Uh, I had a I had a guy say one time, he said, What's the definition of a rut? He says, It's just a grave of both ends knocked out.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:01:24

And it's the same way when you box yourself in, I keep myself from the opportunities and things in my life, but I'm self-absorbed in that area, in that place.

SPEAKER_03: 1:01:34

In your own echo chambers, or whatever you believe about yourself, whatever you think, it's gonna just be reverb back and back.

SPEAKER_01: 1:01:40

I remember learning this myself because uh I didn't get I didn't go to rehab, I didn't go to those things. The only thing I have was my relationship with God. God helped me through those processes with me with my with being with alcohol. And I remember saying, God, God, why can't you get in my box? Won't you just come get in my box, right? And God says, I'm too big. He took me to scripture where he said, The earth is my footstool. He said, My pinky toe don't even fit in your box, man. Because if I get in your box, I'm gonna bust it out.

SPEAKER_03: 1:02:11

But that's the natural instinct. Yeah, you want guys to come into your box and you don't want to be outside of your safe space.

SPEAKER_01: 1:02:18

But if I personally deal with the offense, most of it, 90% is really truthfully is forgiveness.

SPEAKER_03: 1:02:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:02:27

When I truly forgive, how you really know you forgave, when you can be around that person and it no longer affects you anymore. And when I learn to forgive, I can let go.

SPEAKER_00: 1:02:38

Yeah. And vulnerability is really important too. And I know that's just a really nasty word, it was for me for a long time. But vulnerability is important to recovery because if you're not vulnerable enough to show people, you know, hey, I'm struggling, hey, I I I need this, or um, I need someone to talk to, um, then you you do stay alone. But it it requires a level of vulnerability. It it's a it's a like taking a risk. You're you need to find someone. Um, you know, first off, I say find a church.

SPEAKER_04: 1:03:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:14

Find a church where you can go and you can feel um first the presence of God. Um, and second, you can feel love from the people. Um, because once you do that, um, you know, you're gonna gravitate toward, like for me, when we go to churches, like I can almost tell you the people who I gravitate, gravitate toward um have been through some type of abuse.

SPEAKER_03: 1:03:38

Yeah, there's that connection there immediately without even really knowing anything yet.

SPEAKER_01: 1:03:42

It's just but it is sad. I want to say this, it is sad within the church today. They don't accept a lot of people like that.

SPEAKER_03: 1:03:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:03:48

And that's one of the things with her and I, we want to change that because that's the place everyone belongs. Yeah. We've been in churches, they look at you like you've lost it, you know. We go with the titus, yeah. We was talking about that too. Yeah, because they're like, What? You got all the tattoos, you got all that stuff we you know, yeah, but Satan lover. But yet we serve God, we love God, we care about God, and those are the people that need that. Those are the people we went to search not too long ago, and we came into the service, was at the service, and people walked in the streets, it was using. And it was there while they were with us, and pastor came to say, we don't know what to do. Yeah, and I was like, I mean AJ just jumped in and like, okay, we know what to do, we'll take care of it. We went in there, just jumped on board, started helping them, trying to do things they needed to do, make sure they got the resources they needed. Yeah, because a lot of churches don't know how to handle those situations.

SPEAKER_00: 1:04:46

And two, a lot of the times when you're you're scared to reach out, you you've got a victim mentality. Like in your mind, you're still a victim. Yeah. You know, you're still trapped in that. Um, oh, you know, I've been hurt. And not to make little of it, because, you know, I've been through some things, um, but I have chosen that they are that's not gonna be, you know, that's not gonna be my story.

SPEAKER_04: 1:05:13

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 1:05:13

My story is not of me being a victim. My story is, yes, I was ha I was made to be a victim, but I overcame that through the blood. And I will um when I see people who are like, you know, oh, you know, um, they I can't give this and I can't do that because so and so did this and so and so did that, I'll tell them, you're not a victim. It's always yeah, you're not a victim. You're not a victim of the circumstances. You you maybe you can't, maybe you can't get your driver's license and a car and an apartment right now, but you can set your sights on the easiest one, which is getting your driver's license and you can work toward that. But as long as you keep saying, you know, I've got all of these barriers, then you're stuck in the barriers. But if you'll say, you know what, I'm fixed to make a plan. I'm gonna figure out. We help people do that. We're gonna, okay. What is it that you need right now? And if we help them meet their their immediate needs, like they're hungry. If you come in my office and you're hungry, um, you don't want to hear me say, you know, um, you can you can be in recovery because you're hungry, you know?

SPEAKER_03: 1:06:20

So think pasture basic needs.

SPEAKER_00: 1:06:23

So you help them meet their their immediate needs and then you help them form a plan um that can create an environment for them to thrive in recovery. Um, because as long as you're living on the streets with a hundred people who are using, you're never gonna be but a hundred and one person using. So we help them, you know, figure out how can I get away from those circumstances? How can I change the people, places, and things that I'm doing?

SPEAKER_01: 1:06:48

Um we've had people come in and be so negative. Oh my lord, be so negative. I was telling you earlier. We don't I can't tell you how many times I've been cussed out and all this other because they they're struggling.

SPEAKER_04: 1:07:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:07:00

And it don't even affect us with me, especially. It don't even affect me because I'm like, uh, they're just having a day. They're gonna do what they're gonna do. They're gonna do what they're gonna do. Uh and so we even had people come in our our uh program who also were just negative all the time and they want to cause a fight so they can get out of it, or one, or this, that, and the other. You know, we had one that honestly all everybody was like, we just want them gone. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and but we me and another person was like, we're not giving up on them. They would just want us to quit. We're not gonna let them quit. Yeah, we just held on. Now the people's lives are getting turned around because we actually was there for them to help them and to strengthen them and say, hey, look, you can do this.

SPEAKER_03: 1:07:41

So on the on the flip side of this, you kind of touched on that a little bit. What is something churches and believers? How do we need to reframe or our our perspective of people in this life? Because it's very easy. Us four no more, like you. I told you you f you might have saw, I don't know if I did it after you left, but we installed or I installed a um a cigarette butt hold their thing at the church so they can have a smoke place. Because they've been doing it. Right. So I'm gonna give them a place to go do it now. And uh some people they didn't like it, but I didn't ask them.

SPEAKER_01: 1:08:17

I understand.

SPEAKER_03: 1:08:18

If if we if we have people that are coming into the church and they still had issues, but they're at church, what a great place to be set free. That's right. And how are we gonna disciple them if they ain't coming?

SPEAKER_00: 1:08:29

That's kind of like the people say, you know, when we talk about narcan and how it's um a life-saving thing if someone's in overdose, and then we've had people say, Well, you know, this is not the first time they've done that. You know, how many times do you narcand them until every time they need it? Because how can we get people to understand the love of God if we just let them die? And that's not just in overdose, but in pain, in sickness, and whatever. And when they're coming in, that's what Jesus is that narcan to people who are lost. He is that life-saving thing that brings them back, and so however many times we gotta hand them Jesus, we gotta hand them Jesus.

SPEAKER_03: 1:09:13

I think it's overlooked, or maybe it's uh the the burden of responsibility, the church doesn't feel it's theirs, so they don't realize that the blood is actually on their hands. Understand.

SPEAKER_01: 1:09:26

Uh first of all, if I do not know what's going on, I'm gonna ask a question.

SPEAKER_04: 1:09:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:09:35

If you don't know what's going on with that person in your church, ask questions. Simple because you don't know where they're at. And if you don't know where they're at, then you don't know what's going on. We was in a church not too long ago. We went through a whole deal and we did uh Angie spoke at the church, and some of the people in the church was in the schools, and they were talking about some things of the vape and all this stuff was going on, and that the fentanyl was in the vape and all this kind of stuff. And the people that were in the church working at the school had no clue there was fentanyl in the vapes and that there was even vaping. And I'm sitting there like, Are you kidding? Seriously, wake up. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Because they like tuned it out, like it was just like no big deal when it is a big deal. And if if you ask the question, you understand what's going on, you know where they're at, therefore you have more understanding how to help them. Another thing that as a church, we need to do not only ask questions, don't give up on them. Yeah, and don't get it wrong, you're gonna have to set some boundaries, you're gonna have to do some things saying, okay, this is where we're at, this is where we're gonna be. Yeah, this is what's gonna happen. You're gonna have to set those boundaries, you're gonna have to speak those boundaries because if you don't, it will get out of hand. But always show love, always show respect. Even if they don't do right, it's okay. Love them anyway, and let them be them. You pray for them, you help them whatever they need, and then it changes everything. Our biggest thing is I I say this all the time, I learned people's behaviors. When I learn that's what you're going to do, that's what you're gonna do.

SPEAKER_04: 1:11:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:11:21

And if that's what you're gonna do, okay, you do it. I don't have to do those things, but I'll be here when you get back.

SPEAKER_00: 1:11:27

Yeah, I'm gonna love you.

SPEAKER_01: 1:11:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:11:29

I'm gonna love you. And even like when I went home, um, I had friends who, you know, I had a whole bunch of acquaintances because, you know, of my of my connections. I had a whole bunch of people who like me.

SPEAKER_03: 1:11:41

Everybody's a best friend when you got drugs.

SPEAKER_00: 1:11:43

Yeah. But I had a certain two or three people who um I really cared about as people. They had made sure I had food. You know, if if I didn't have drugs, they gave them to me. If they didn't have, you know, we were people who actually looked out for each other in that world. And so when I came home, I had one of them reach out to me and, you know, I'm so proud of you. You're doing great. If any you can do it, anybody can do it. And um, then they were like, hey, um, can, you know, we we hang out. And I was like, Yeah, it'd be great to see you. And I saw them, and then I realized in that moment that they were high. And they were gonna, and then I was like, okay, one of two things are gonna happen, and one of them is likely, and the other one is very, very dislikely. And either I'm gonna go back toward you where you're at, or you're gonna gravitate to where I'm at. And I knew and I told him, I'm gonna have I love you, I'm still gonna love you. If you're hungry, I'm gonna, I'm gonna bring some food, but we can't hang out. Yeah, I have to love you from over here. Now I I still showed him all of the love that I could and support and encouragement to to move away from where he was. But love is the key. Showing love, but you don't have to walk into the circumstances with them.

SPEAKER_03: 1:13:08

There's a reason why the devil he's been doing this a while. There's a reason we did what we did because that's what we gravitate towards.

SPEAKER_01: 1:13:16

Yeah. Some of the things I started with was because of my abuse. And because I got so comfortable being abused, I was attracted to abuse, right? So that's what I wanted back. I wanted that reciprocated back. So when I go to church and I cause a little rucus and they don't like me, it becomes okay, it's the same thing. But when I go to church and find somebody that loves me, even though I'm showing out, even though I'm not doing exactly the way you think I should, it changed my whole perspective of about God, changed my whole perspective of about people, and it helps me to say, okay, there is real love. Because I never experienced real love until I felt I got that that that day, that peace that I got from God that day. And then man, this beautiful woman over here. But I never I never had true love until then. But when I found it, it changed my life. Now don't get it wrong. In the beginning, it's real weird because when you ain't never had it, you don't know how to accept it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:14:31

And it makes it difficult because the communication, we have so much communication, communication with the church people and the communication with those who are in addiction, it's gonna feel weird for a minute. Yeah, because it's gonna be uncomfortable. But if we keep showing love, it changes everything. And I always and I always say this if the nine gifts of the spirit are there, something's right.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:14:53

If I keep showing it, and I'm not being abusive, I'm not being mean, I'm not trying to round them off, I'm not trying to tell them not to come back to church. I'm sitting there to say, man, we're just glad to see you.

SPEAKER_00: 1:15:04

Well, I think you're here. I think we get so caught up in um wanting to fix them. We want to fix them. We wanna, we wanna change their circumstances and we want to, but we want to do it right then in our time and we want to do it in our strength and the way that we think it should be. And it's like when I married him, you know, I didn't want to get I didn't want to get up on stage. Excited to see what happens next. But I didn't want to get on stage because I told him I don't fit that mold of a preacher's wife. Like I don't. I have tattoos, um, you know, um my the the side of my head was shaved at the time. And like I, you know, I I just am not like I I I'm not gonna put them I cut them, you know.

SPEAKER_03: 1:15:50

I'm gonna play game.

SPEAKER_01: 1:15:53

She does do that now. She's from LA, a lower Arkansas. She got a pocket knife, I promise.

SPEAKER_00: 1:15:59

But now I realize that I don't want to fit into that mold. Yeah. I don't want to be like the typical pastor's wife. I don't want to have the perfectly cuffed hair, and I don't want to, I don't want to be stereotypical. I want to be who God designed me to be because I'm gonna reach a a certain type of people that are desperately needing what God has birthed in me. Um, and I have to give that same grace to everyone that I come in contact with in church because they're not gonna be perfect, they're not gonna fit the mold of what I think they should be and what I think they should be doing, but I don't know what God's birthing in them. I don't know the circumstances they come from, but what I do know is I love people, and that's something I would have never said a few years ago because um and you pick some of the harsh people to get along with.

SPEAKER_03: 1:16:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:16:56

I understand. Yeah, we've been really um surprised, her and I both. We go, we go all over, travel, administer in different places, and we've been in churches and we we're not shocked, but the things that they do, like you're talking about the mode. Oh, it's the God. That has nothing to do with God. Uh it's in the Bible. That's not even close to the Bible. Yeah, it doesn't line up with those things. And when you see those things, because truth, like with me, raised in the pastor's home, being a preacher's kid, and a crankkid, there's abuse there. Yeah, and there is religious abuse. Yeah, and when you see those things kind of things, when we go to churches, we like say, Well, did you see that? I say, Yeah, but did you see that over there? And say, Yeah, and we'd be like, Yeah, yeah, you know, you know, we need to pray for them because that ain't right. That part ain't right, you know, because I get up and well, the Lord saying, Well, that wasn't God, that that was far from it, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 1:17:55

Yeah, we've been somewhere there'd be a message in tongues, and I'd be going.

SPEAKER_01: 1:18:00

I left speaking of that. We was in a church one time and the they had a missionary. We've been there a couple of times, and these people, same people giving these message songs, same, and it's apparently been for years the same interpretation, the same everything. And we was they just ain't got it yet. Yes, and we was there, and there was a message in tongues, and you know, everybody's supposed to have the head bow. I look, I'm looking going, I'm gonna watch the missionary. We'll see how this works. And the one we give the interpretation, he looked at me like, what? And I was like, Okay, I'm not the only one in the room. Okay, thank you, Lord, for that confirmation. Yeah, it's because that, yeah, that's been off the card.

SPEAKER_00: 1:18:38

It's funny because we have a a friend of his as a pastor, and his his friend's wife is the one. I'm like, I would always say, Well, I'm not like her. I'm not like her. She's always so perfectly put together. And um, and it was so crazy because it was really overwhelming me, and like I just felt like I was falling short, and that I I like he had married the wrong person because I he needs a he needs someone who can be a good little preacher's wife, and um I talk back, and you know, it's all of the things and it's sticking and watching bleed.

SPEAKER_03: 1:19:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:19:13

So we went we went to a conference, and um this particular friend was there, and his wife was there, and we like really had a chance to sit down and talk with one another. She and I did, and she was like so desperately wanting to let loose and not be in that perfect mold. Like she she said to me, like, I admire the fact that you are different and you know that and you accepted it and like you've embraced it, and like I desire, like I seek that. And I thought, wow, thank you, God, for first allow like sending this to me so that I can I can be okay with just being a little bit different. And um, and then I began to speak, you know, life, giving words to her and encouragement to her. Um, and and she needed it in that moment, and we were able to uh confess to one another what it was that was bothering us, and and it it like allowed us this freedom to move past it.

SPEAKER_01: 1:20:18

To get us to where we are now when her and I first got married, this is true. To get her on the platform was a miracle of God, yeah. To get her to open up and sing, a miracle from God, to work with work with her musically, a miracle from God. She has the talent, she has the ability, and she's absolutely, and I can honestly say she's absolutely amazing. And to get her to see that was very difficult. And at times she does. She struggles with seeing that. And I keep telling her, like, babe, you got this, like this is real. But when she gets up to stink thing now, you guys, I mean, seen it this morning. I mean, God's there, God shows up, God moves, God does the things, and it's on point, it's where God wants her to be, it's the place that she needed to be. But for so long, she thought this is the way it's supposed to be. And I keep telling her, babe, you just be you. The other day we were talking about some stuff musically, and I said, I said this to her. She said, Well, I don't want to be like this, and I don't want to do this, and I don't want to do that. Blah blah blah. I said, babe, she said, All I want to do is just worship God. I said, That's the only thing I'm asking you to do.

SPEAKER_00: 1:21:30

That's it. That truly is my heart's desire.

SPEAKER_01: 1:21:33

Like, I could do that or on the technical end. You let me work on this music, you let me work on this technical end. You just get up here and worship God. That's all I want you to do. That's it. And the more she does it, the more she comes out of that shell. And the more I mean, you see me this morning. I mean, God was there.

SPEAKER_02: 1:21:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:21:52

You know, and then of course, and everything. Yeah, beautiful. I have and I if you didn't see me, I stand right there grinning, like, that's my baby right there.

SPEAKER_03: 1:22:01

Yes, just trying to keep his composure. Come on now.

SPEAKER_00: 1:22:05

Well, also, I had this crazy thought in my head that women were not supposed to speak in church. Like you could sing and you could be on the praise and worship, but but you shouldn't be, women shouldn't be pastors, and women shouldn't be this. And I really believed that, but at the same time, my desire was for God to use me to speak to people. And so we were at a conference, and there was this woman up there, and like, man, she was bringing the word and people were being ministered to. And I was like, God, I want this to be me. And he said, No, you don't. You said women aren't supposed to do that. And I was like, right. Oh Lord. And I was like, you know, I asked for forgiveness right there. Like, God, please forgive me for like deciding who you could use. Like, who am I to decide who you get to appoint to a position? And uh from that moment on, um, I've just like, God, if it's for me to say, you know, put me up there and I'll say it.

SPEAKER_03: 1:23:08

That people have asked me that before, that you know, the deep theological questions. They try to trap you, or they try, or they're really just seeking. They're like, so should women be pastors, women do this and that. I'm like, who am I to tell God who to use? Yeah. I ain't gonna step in. I'm I'm not worthy to step into that role. You go ahead. I'll sit over here and just watch God work. I'm not gonna tell God who he can use, right?

SPEAKER_01: 1:23:28

We was at a church not so long ago, and um, it was amazing. We've been this church several times, and and the first thing when we first got married, now this is saying we sang, and at that time she was real bashful or whatever, you know. And then we just did a revival a few months back, uh, just a few months ago at that church, and the lady that does the music come to her and it's like, Oh my god, you're absolutely amazing. Like, from where you were to where you are now, it's absolutely incredible. Leaps and bounds. She's like, Because she realized, okay, she is good, and she has beginning to build that confidence and understand it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:24:06

Because it is, but the confidence isn't in me, it's in the ability to allow him to, and I I'd say this every time before I go up because the nerves hit right before I go up, and I'm like, I should just tell Earl to do it, just go sit down. And I and I literally say this, I say this to myself every time. This is not about you. And I say, God, this is your thing. So you can work through me and and let it be you because it it sure can't be me. My knees are notching together right now.

SPEAKER_01: 1:24:39

Just last night, I said, if you got the word, baby, you bring it. I'll just step out of the way. I said, I don't mind stepping out of the way. Because I'm gonna be honest with you, I have prayed for so long for a spouse that I can actually work in the ministry with. And now that I have it, I'm like, just go be you.

SPEAKER_02: 1:24:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:24:58

I get more joy of seeing her minister than I do myself.

SPEAKER_02: 1:25:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:25:02

And don't get it wrong, I like music and I love preaching. But I enjoy it more when she's doing it. It's changed.

SPEAKER_00: 1:25:11

And my adopted, before my adopted father had his stroke, he told me that um God was calling me to preach. And I was like, nah. Women can't no, he's not, you know. Um, and then the uh about six drix about six months ago, I was laying in I was laying in bed asleep and I had this dream, and my my dad, um, he was standing up on a stage and there were just people everywhere. Um, and we were in a church where the seats kind of went up and it looked like um like theater seating. And he was up there and I was like, Yes, you go. And he was like, No. And he handed me the microphone and he said, It's your time. It's your time. And when I woke up, I had my hands in the air and I was talking in tongues. And I ever since then, I've had this confidence in not in myself, but in the anointing that has been passed to me generationally, um, because my dad was anointed, he was an anointed preacher, he was an anointed singer. Like I love to hear his voice so much. Um, he had this most beautiful, smooth voice, and um he passed away in 2020. Um, and so for me to have that dream, you know, it was it was everything for me.

SPEAKER_01: 1:26:36

Um, and so matter of fact, when we got married, I actually told her this. Uh, I had a spiritual mother who I she was honestly a real mother to me. Amazing mother. Now, my mom's good too. You know what I mean? She was amazing too, but this this person, Pastor Charlie, was really her and Pastor Fred was like my spiritual parents. And we had such a connection, we was really close. And about the time that he passed, it wasn't very long after she passed, and I told her when we got married, I said, You do realize what just happened, right? And she's like, What is that? I said, Your dad and Pastor Charlie got to talking to God, and now we're before God because they knew that this day was coming. Yeah, they knew that our lives was going to be changed. And I believe because when she passed away, Pastor Charlie passed away, I preached the message that the torch would go further than it's ever been at her at her service. And now that I know what I know, I feel like it was passed down to me.

SPEAKER_02: 1:27:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:27:50

And now I'm actually carrying out some of the things that she even wanted to do in life that she wasn't able to do.

SPEAKER_00: 1:27:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:27:57

And so it's been amazing.

SPEAKER_00: 1:27:59

Well, my dad had a vision. When once he was paralyzed, he was paralyzed for like 20 years, laid in a bed, paralyzed from the neck down in our home, and we took care of him there. And he had a vision of this super enormous move of God that he was involved in. And he told us all about it. And when he passed away, my mom was so angry because she was like, He had this dream. What happened? He had this dream. I know it was real. I know he did, he know he heard from God. And it it just now it's over. And so when I had the dream of him passing the anointing to me, I realized his dream was still, it was still active and it was still happening. It just didn't happen the way she thought it was like the anointing has been passed down to me. And I believe that our children, even after us, will carry it. You know, I know my son Colton, I know he's called by God, and he knows it. He hasn't, he hasn't accepted that call yet. Um, and and Blaine and Caden and all of our all of our boys love God. And um so I know that they are what we have, the anointing that we have, we're gonna be able to pass to them. And I, you know, my dad may never not ever see it in the physical, but he sees it in the supernatural. He he his anointing has lived on.

SPEAKER_01: 1:29:22

I also want we would aim our ministry reclamation ministry, because reclamation actually means getting the things our forefathers never got. Reclaiming everything. And reclaiming everything for those should have our families should have got. Because there was a lot of things that our families missed, yeah, that we're able now, we want to receive.

unknown: 1:29:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:29:43

Because we're planning our lives so that our kids can receive even more.

unknown: 1:29:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 1:29:48

Living for that legacy. Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 1:29:51

Spiritual sons and daughters. We just, you know, everywhere we go, I just I I hear that um Pastor Don um our Overseer. Um he preached that one time that your your legacy is important. What kind of legacy are you leaving behind? Are you gonna? I mean, we know we have physical sons, no daughters, but we have physical sons. Um, and but we want to have we want to have no in the name of Jesus.

SPEAKER_03: 1:30:20

I let it say give, Ryan, not yet. Everybody just lift up forward hands to the screen, right? Cancel that Lord's pass through in the name of Jesus.

SPEAKER_00: 1:30:30

But we want to have spiritual sons and daughters. We want to create a legacy that continues after we're gone, because if we don't share and we don't give of ourselves, then everything that God has brought us from is wasted. And I I I just can't imagine going through the things that I've gone through and God bringing me out of that for it to just sit idle, you know. I have to tell people, I have to give that to people.

SPEAKER_01: 1:30:58

It was Joseph when he got ready to pass. He's like, Don't leave my bones in Egypt. Carry me with you. Yeah. And the Bible says, when they carry, they carried his body in the wilderness the entire time. Like, and when they got to the place that was theirs, of course, by the way, before they even got there, when they got released, for he as soon as they got released, they automatically wrote down who got what. Which was absolutely amazing because in our in our life, God's already got wrote down what who who gets what. Yeah. And when they got there, the place they buried in became an inheritance for the kids. Which means everything that Joseph had achieved now, they was able to reap the benefits of.

SPEAKER_04: 1:31:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:31:41

So and we want to be the same way. That what I've always said this. I want them to say, when they look at me, if I'm in the casket, look at me and go, hey, my dad taught me everything about God. Yeah. My god, dad taught me how to live a life of victory. My dad taught me these things, and I want to live that way. And in in the end, even in our old kids' life, just even here recently, we're starting because of the healthy relationship we have, and our relationship with God, it's changing with them. Yes.

SPEAKER_03: 1:32:10

We had so my son, uh let's see, I think his freshman year or sophomore year, I don't remember. He we changed his schools. He was at a big school, he was kind of getting lost in the numbers and all that, uh, making bad friends. So we we found a small school, somebody in our church, their son graduated from there, and Jesse went to the graduation, and every single student had a teacher that talked about him and said good things. And it was just it was a long, it was long, but it was it was cool and it made an impression. Well, for the interview, uh I was sitting there, because you have to interview to get in. Tristan was sitting there at the I think the assistant principal, and he's going down these list of questions of why do you want to be here? What do you want to do in life, you know, blah blah blah. And he gets to this one, he said, in one word, what what do you what would you say that would describe your dad? One word that would describe your dad without even thinking, he said humility. And I'm like, man, you're trying to make me cry in front of this man. And it's just like that whether we're trying to leave a legacy behind or not, we are. We are in one way or another. Um so speaking of legacy, like I I guess we can wrap. You have anything else you you wanna you wanna add to anything? Um so now what would you where would you send people to be in contact with your ministry? Do you have that launched yet?

SPEAKER_01: 1:33:32

Not everything's launched completely yet. Okay. Um, we are working in the process of getting those things done.

SPEAKER_00: 1:33:38

We do have a Facebook page. Yes. It's Reclamation Ministry.

SPEAKER_03: 1:33:41

Reclamation ministry. And all those links, everything he they mentioned will be in the the links in the descriptions. Uh, we haven't got everything completely launched yet uh with that end of it.

SPEAKER_01: 1:33:51

But you do have your personal Instagram, Facebook, something like that. I got personal Facebook Facebook, you can look up on uh she's got a personal Facebook you can look up on. Um we uh why are you laughing?

SPEAKER_00: 1:34:02

Is that listen because my Facebook is like my life. I find joy, joy is everything to me. So if it makes me laugh on Facebook, I'm like, share it. You know, I I just believe in uh in laughter, and I have um a I guess trauma or whatever you want to call it, but I laugh everywhere. It's it's not a good thing sometimes because funerals, it doesn't matter what it's at.

SPEAKER_03: 1:34:27

It's mad at me because I'll laugh in the middle of a conflict, a whole decision, and she's like, You laugh at the wrong times. I'm like, baby, it's better than me getting mad or blowing up. I said, if I don't laugh, I'll get angry and I don't want to get angry right now. She's like, Well, you're making me angry.

SPEAKER_01: 1:34:41

Yes, we laughed her. We was at home one night, true, true fact. At home one night, okay. And we had a bad story this and the other, and there was an actual tornado over her home, okay? The electricity goes off, the frogs, crickets, everything completely silent. You feel the air suctioning through the house. She's over.

SPEAKER_00: 1:35:03

Oh my god, I'm double on tears rolling down my face. Quiet.

SPEAKER_01: 1:35:09

I'm trying to listen. Get him in dying peace. And why is Blaine's just standing there going, uh uh Blaine is sitting here going, I've never been this close to this one. I've never been close to this like this. This is driving Victories. And then I'm like, she's on her road, your daddy's gonna kill me.

SPEAKER_00: 1:35:24

This is so hilarious. Listen, be quiet. I can't help it. Like, God has just brought me through too much uh darkness. I've come from such a dark place that I'm just gonna laugh. If it doesn't, if I'm not laughing, if I'm not having a good time and and and being joyful, um I don't know what I would do. I just love to laugh. And I paid way too much for this smile not to. So I'm gonna smile. I'm gonna laugh and I'm gonna smile. And uh the Lord just brought me joy, and and I'm not gonna try to contain it because it's not in the proper box that people think it should be in. I'm gonna laugh. And so my Facebook is a place of laughter.

SPEAKER_01: 1:36:08

Yeah. And if you do go to Facebook, I'm just letting you know, you just never know what you're going to get. It's pretty interesting. It's always healthy. It is healthy, but it's pretty interesting at times. Matter of fact, she'll tag me and stuff like, I can't believe you tagged me. But anyway.

SPEAKER_00: 1:36:24

In fact, I shared uh day before yesterday. Um, my mama's probably looking at my Facebook thinking I tried. And my mama, and my mama went underneath there and commented, you would be right.

SPEAKER_03: 1:36:35

Hey, so now uh so the camera's on you, all right. Um I want you to speak to the people, whether they're in addiction, whether they got maybe family members that they've tried to love and care about, and it just seems like nothing's nothing's going right. Um, I don't know if you want to take turns, you want to back and forth together, but what would you say to those struggling or those who have people around them that are struggling?

SPEAKER_00: 1:37:01

I would say there is always hope. Um, don't give up on them. Don't uh don't uh give in to their to their pleas and don't um don't enable them, but always love them. Show them love no matter what, let them know you love them. You don't have to approve of what they're doing, um, but give them love. And if you're stuck in addiction, I I wish I could share with you the picture um of where I came from, like my last picture on my intake into rehab. Um, because the picture it it it's so important and I show it to people all the time because the look in my eye showed that I was literally hopeless.

SPEAKER_02: 1:37:44

I bet we can show that while you're talking about it. I'll just put it over the screen.

SPEAKER_00: 1:37:48

Yeah. I was literally hopeless. Um, but God it doesn't matter what you've been through, it doesn't matter how many times you've messed up, it doesn't matter how many tribes you've failed, you've you you keep getting up and you're falling and you're falling. Um God loves you and He cares for you, and He has a purpose for your life. No matter if you can see it right now, there is something greater for you. And please reach out for help. Don't don't try to do it on your own strength. Reach out to into a community of people who will be there for you. There are people everywhere who have come through addiction and their life's journey is just to offer that same hope to other people. Um yeah, there's hope.

SPEAKER_01: 1:38:42

I want to say there's life after survival. Once we learn that there's life beyond addiction, things change. We're living proof that God can change anything or anybody. And there is life beyond where you're at. If you are struggling, I'm asking reach out to somebody to help you through this. If if you think that, hey, I just gotta continue to do these things, I gotta continue to live this way, there's another way. Somebody will be there to help you. I know a lot I've had a lot of people, nobody cares, nobody this. I promise you, you reach out to somebody, they will somebody will help you. And and your life can change. For the first time in our lives, I can honestly say I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. Peace. Because I have that peace. She's the happiest she's ever been in her life because we have that peace. We don't have to worry about the next day, the next moment. We just have to worry the about what we need to take care of right now. Beyond that, we don't have to worry about it anymore. Because God's already got it.

SPEAKER_03: 1:40:00

Again, thank y'all again for thank y'all again for uh for coming and interviewing.

SPEAKER_04: 1:40:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_03: 1:40:07

Um, I know I had y'all in town. I was like, I I I'm gonna mention it, we'll see what happens. And you took the bait, so I'm glad you did. I'm glad you sat in with us. I wasn't sure if he's going to or I'm glad you did. Yeah, it would have been so boring without you.

SPEAKER_00: 1:40:20

I know. I'm the life to his party for sure.

SPEAKER_01: 1:40:24

I would say it is a great gift.

SPEAKER_00: 1:40:28

It's never a dull moment.

SPEAKER_01: 1:40:31

We are not boring by no means.

SPEAKER_03: 1:40:34

Thank y'all again for tuning in to another episode of Faith and Failures. If you haven't yet, go over to the YouTube channel or you can find us on Rumble at Faith and Failures Podcast. Hit like, subscribe. If you're listening online, anywhere you consume podcast, make sure you follow, download, and any links that we mentioned earlier will be down in the description. We love y'all. We're praying for you, and thank you so much for hanging out with us.

SPEAKER_04: 1:41:00

Faith and Failures Podcast.