Faith Over Fear: How She Found Hope in Her DARKEST Moments

Ever wondered how faith and healing can transform your life during its most challenging moments? In this heartfelt episode, we share a compelling framework for coaching individuals through the depths of divorce. We start with a free consultation to determine if coaching or counseling is needed, then guide clients through a transformative six-week program. This journey encompasses healing, forgiveness, self-awareness, and more, ensuring that unresolved trauma doesn't shadow future relationships.

Imagine having ten meetings scheduled for a single day, only to witness them all cancel after a moment of intentional prayer. This episode underscores the profound impact of divine guidance on managing our busy lives. Through personal stories, we reflect on the importance of prioritizing quality over quantity, placing God first, followed by family and other responsibilities. We discuss the delicate balance of setting realistic goals, adapting to life changes, and the necessity of saying no to maintain overall well-being.

Our conversation also delves into the power of hope and forgiveness amidst struggles. Learn about a journey from trauma and divorce to redemption and newfound purpose through faith. We explore the importance of self-forgiveness, patience, and resilience, particularly for those grappling with depression, anxiety, and the pressures of parenthood. Concluding with a focus on surrendering to God for healing and the strength found in unity, we remind you to stay connected with our content across social media and subscribe to our YouTube channel. Thank you for your support, and may you find encouragement and guidance in your own life's challenges.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Before we get into today's video, I just wanted to say thank you to all of the new subscribers. If you haven't yet, consider subscribing, hit that bell notification so that you can see every time I put out a new video. A major portion of you that watch my videos haven't subscribed yet, so why not? It's free. You can also find a PayPal link below if you want to give a one-time or give a monthly to support the channel. Anything, great or small, is appreciated. Now let's get into the video. Let's talk about your coaching and philosophy. So your approach to coaching. What are some methods? Kind of, I have a friend. He's a marriage therapist, psychologist. He has this intake where he asks certain questions. He kind of gets a feel for them. What does that process look like for you? If a divorced person comes to you and says I need your help, how does that look so you can get more information? What could they expect when they come to you?

Speaker 2: 0:59

So what they would expect is first I have to determine if they need coaching or if they need counseling. You know those two are two different ballgames, right. So I have to make sure they're not looking for counseling. That means you got a deeper issue. So I'm not a therapist, I am a coach.

Speaker 2: 1:19

So, first figuring out that, so I'll have a free consultation with the person that will reach out to me and then I will ask some questions, what they're going through, or telling me a little bit about what's going on, and then I can determine at that point if it's deeper than what I can handle, then I will refer them out to a therapist or let them know that they probably want to contact a therapist for that. Or if it's coaching and they say well, this is where I am, I just need help with getting through the healing process, or how do I handle, what do I do for self-care. So my currently it is at six weeks and I have it broken down into different areas. So week one is helping through starting the healing phase, mm-hmm. Two is forgiveness. So we're working through the forgiveness phase.

Speaker 1: 2:11

then our next week will be you kind of start from an internal and then work your way out absolutely absolutely.

Speaker 2: 2:18

And then it's self-awareness, because we got to be self right. A lot of us, a lot of us, aren't self-aware to know what's going on. Come on, stay here all day long, right? A lot of us, a lot of us, aren't self-aware. We're like what?

Speaker 1: 2:31

I'm not. What did I do that? No, I don't do that.

Speaker 2: 2:34

No, no yes, so we got to help out with that. Yes, you did do that, so we need to. But if I, I could tell you you did that, but you have to be aware that you did it Right. So we work on self-awareness. Accountability is my main. That's my favorite. That's a good one. Forgiveness to forgiveness Forgiveness is one of my favorite ways, but accountability is another one. Meditation and also time management. A lot of times we're just ripping and running going whichever direction and we have no time management, so we can't get to a place where we can work on us.

Speaker 1: 3:13

That's true, yeah yeah, so many things pull us in different directions. You got kids, you got grandkids, you got a husband, you got a job, I mean all these things, and then you're like, at the end of the day, you're like I have no time for anything else, I just got to be able to sleep for a few hours that's it.

Speaker 2: 3:31

That's it, and you're absolutely right and that's why we're. That's how I was, I was and that's how it's easy for me to write this curriculum, because I I just put myself in another person's shoes. So how? What would I want to hear? What would I want, what would I need to help through this process or help through this journey? And that's how I came up with healing. These are attributes. These are things that we have to have. You have got to heal first. A lot of us are not healing. You heard me say I was bleeding in every relationship because I was hurting. I had not healed from the childhood trauma. I have not healed from all the shame that I was carrying or the fear, or the guilt and all of that. So we have to heal in order to go into another relationship and have a successful relationship.

Speaker 1: 4:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you keep putting things in your backpack, it keeps getting heavier and heavier. By the time you get to where God's trying to lead you to, you'll be too worn out to do what you need to do.

Speaker 2: 4:32

Absolutely, or take you all the way down to your knees. A lot of us are humble enough to get on our knees, but your backpack will take you down to your knees if you get heavy enough.

Speaker 1: 4:41

Sometimes I think God kind of puts his finger on the back of the backpack and brings it on down Like you need it. You ain't getting down there yet, but you need a little help. So name they were six, right? Name those six one more time.

Speaker 2: 4:53

Yep. So we have healing, we have forgiveness, we have self-awareness, accountability, we have time management and meditation.

Speaker 1: 5:04

Meditation. All all right. So those of you who are watching, make sure you take notes. Uh, lots of good stuff right there. So now let me ask you this now, if somebody obviously you've been there yourself, that is what that is the passion that obviously people watching, they hear it in your voice, they see it in your face. They, they know you have been to a place that probably for you in those years, felt like the children of Israel. Out there in the desert, wandering around, there is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, people right now in this desert, and they are looking up to the sky and screaming God, where are you? How did you keep your faith? How could someone else be helped to keep their faith in a time of such sorrow?

Speaker 2: 5:48

And I know it is very difficult and I won't say that it wasn't hard. It was a tough journey. What I can tell people is that it's okay to feel overwhelmed, it's okay to be unsure, because a lot of people think, well, it's not okay, so now they're adding more anxiety to them, but it is okay during this time. But being in that space, please, I tell people, hold on to your faith, have hope, keep your hope alive. That's another thing. If you lose hope in that faith, the faith is what's going to get you there. What does it say? Without faith, it's impossible to please God and we need God in this time. He knows it all, he sees it all. So hold on to your faith, but understand it is natural. It's natural to doubt. We get to a place and we doubt like this is never going to happen for me, this is never going to work out for me.

Speaker 1: 6:49

I don't know what I'm going to do, especially if you're up on a wall and you don't see what's on the other side of the wall and you need God to walk to knock that wall down. But all we see is bricks and we're like God, where are you, where am I, what's happening? And he's like, just chill out. A lot of times we want God to like smash through the walls and tear things up so we can get through, but a lot of times he doesn't do it that way. He takes the wall down brick by brick, right.

Speaker 2: 7:08

Come on, that's it right there. That's it, that's it, and um, and so that's the thing I just want people to understand. Hold onto your faith. If you're going through, understand we go through because God is trying to get us to that next level. He is trying to get us to a place first to heal If you're where I was, to heal first and then you can keep moving. But God, like I stated earlier, is a God of elevation. He wants to elevate us. And let me tell you, the ones who go through the toughest journeys God has a greater reward for you, and it might.

Speaker 2: 7:42

You can't see it, but if you hold on to your faith and know God, I know there's something greater for me on the other side. So, while I'm here, I'm going to trust you and I'm going to tell you. What helped me is Proverbs 3, 5 through 7. Trust in the Lord with all thine heart. Lean not into your own understanding, but in all thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path. So, as you're going through this, hold on to that scripture and Hebrews 11, 1. I live by that. Now. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. So if you don't see it, you don't feel it, you're like this cannot happen for me right now. I don't see no way. But God says now faith. If you hold on to that faith, now faith right now, you hold, you stay right there and you stand firm on your faith, you're going to get to the other side.

Speaker 1: 8:40

Even when I don't see it, he's working. Even when I don't feel it, he's working, he's working. Come on, I preached a whole message before about facts and feelings. Do not go off of your feelings just because you don't feel. God is there. He is there. The Bible promises he is there and he will show up right on time. He's not early, right, he's not late, but he's always on time, always on time, always. So, um, now you, you said earlier, you mentioned in the very beginning, you're a, you're a gg, not a grandmother. Uh, yeah, of how many?

Speaker 2: 9:18

it's a six, four biological and two bonus all right.

Speaker 1: 9:23

So you, you got, you got a busy role, a busy uh whole life, uh multiplying uh. Sports games plays plays band stuff. My goodness, I can't even make my brain fry just thinking about it. So how do you, as a author, a coach, a speaker, speaking of author, do you have books on Amazon or anything like that? Where can people get your books? Just your website.

Speaker 2: 9:53

Yes, they're on my website. They're out on Amazon and they would just look up Divorce but Not Defeated. Or they can search by my name, Marquette L Walker, and it will come up.

Speaker 1: 10:04

Okay, because I thought about asking you that beforehand and I completely forgot. So when I repost this video in the next couple of weeks, every book that you have, the books that you have, there'll be links to it, to the amazon, so they can, they can go there and buy your stuff.

Speaker 2: 10:23

So, uh, make sure you go and check those out. What was it called?

Speaker 1: 10:24

again it is called divorce but not defeated. Divorce but not defeated. I like that. That's kind of nice ring to it. I'm sure that's why you named it right. How is it that? Because here, here's one thing those are some of the biggest issues with divorce but not defeated. He's got it in the check. Your husband's on it again Time management you mentioned in one of those in your six things.

Speaker 1: 10:48

So what can you help? Because I'm one of those people. I almost and it may be a touch of the ADHD, I don't know, but I'm almost one of those people that if I'm not doing something like busy, I feel like I'm not being productive. Okay, so whatever you say after this, I'm taking notes because I need to hear it. I'm being serious how do you, with all the stuff you're doing, with all the ministries being a wife, being a mother, being a Gigi, like all these things?

Speaker 1: 11:16

And then you took, graciously, you took time out of your evening to come on a podcast with a guy that you just talked to through a couple of emails Like, how do you balance? It's one of your six, but how do you get there to where you're healthy in your balance of time? Because time you never can earn it anymore. It is what it is. Once it passes, it's gone, it's fleeting, it's there like a vapor. The bible even says that. How can, how can we balance better? What are some pointers and some key things that you have found work, because you're a person who has to live this or you're going to go nuts absolutely absolutely well, first and foremost, um, because before that I did have a lot of stuff going on and I was just going crazy Like I can't remember things.

Speaker 2: 12:01

Oh, it's just too much. But I've learned to intentionally talk to God in the morning and say what do you want me to do today? What do you have for me to do today? I have this, I have this and, father, you know I have all of this going on, but today, what would you have for me to do? Today? I have this, I have this and, father, you know I have all of this going on, but today, what would you have for me to do? And trust what he has, and he will tell you a lot of us. We will pray to God. God, what do you want me to do? But then we start running all over the place and we're not sitting still. We have to sit still in here. That's why the Bible says about hearing being there. You have to sit intentionally and listen to God, be still, be still so you can hear. So take a few moments in the morning, take about 30 minutes in the morning, and say God, what do you want me to do? What does my day look like? I have this, this and this. And what I've learned when you are intentional about your conversation with God, about your time, I'm telling you he will pan it out for you. He will give you. Let me tell you.

Speaker 2: 13:06

One day I had like 10 meetings. It's so much. I'm like, oh my God, how am I going to do this? So the next day I said I have 10 meetings tomorrow. How am I going to do this? Oh my goodness. So I took my 30 minutes that morning and I was so intentional Father, I have 10 meetings today. How am I going to manage these 10 meetings? So I sat there and I listened. About 45 minutes later, three of my meetings were canceled. So three meetings were canceled without me even saying anything. I'm like God, is it that easy? Is this how it's supposed to go? I should have done this from the beginning. I should have done this from the beginning. It's all about trusting God in every single thing. He owns it all. He knows the plans for us. He, he already. Our time is already mapped out. Our stuff is mapped out with him. He just wants include him in everything that we do. Also, he's teaching, prioritizing, being disciplined Also it's discipline.

Speaker 2: 14:06

What is more important, we know family comes first, and then everything else is God, and then it's family, and then it's everything else after that, right, so I'm always keeping God first, then it's family, making sure what we have to do for family. It's all in line. I never was overwhelmed with family stuff. Our boys are well, they're young men. Now they're 29 and 30. Now I'm starting. I get we have the smalls. I call them the smalls, they're my bonus babies and they are 10 and 13. So, yes, now the sports have started, the games. Now I'm feeling it. So I'm sure, listen, I take a nap because I'll be 52 in August, so I have to train. I got to make sure I'm healthy, right, I need a nap.

Speaker 1: 14:57

I'm sure naps are like. That was like the 12th commandment or something it had to be Right.

Speaker 2: 15:02

It had to be, it had to be. So now, even with them, now, even going forward, I'm still seeking God first. What are we doing today? It's me and God he's going to tell me. Then the next thing is family. What do we have going on? We're looking at our calendars. At our calendars, we got this with the boys, this with the boys. Um, if they're with us during that time, we split time with their mom. So then it's that, and then everything else is second. So if I have time for a podcast, I look at my calendar. I ask my husband he manages my calendar. Babe, do we have time? Yep, we have time. If I don't have time, nope, we don't have time, or we'll move it, you know, to a time where I do have it. Not every open door. This is what gets us all off track. Every open door is not a God door. Every open door is not a good door. So that's why we have to seek God first in every single thing that we do.

Speaker 1: 15:54

I tell my people all the time, just because something's good doesn't mean it's good for you Absolutely, absolutely, because something's good doesn't mean it's good for you absolutely. And uh, so my takeaway from what you just said is to not focus on the quantity but focus on the quality. There you go to, actually, when you're intentional with something, uh, you can't to every yes, there has to be a no to know your limits. Like that's a big one, like.

Speaker 1: 16:22

One of the hardest things for me is I'm a yes guy, like I love being involved in people's life, I'm a people person. I just I'll do anything, I'll do everything, let's go, you know. And then my wife's like, nah, we can't really do that. And I'm like, are you sure? She's like Steven, you can't do it, there's not enough time. And I'm like, hmm, okay, because when I started this podcast very real scenario I wanted to do one almost every single day. And then I went back and I'm like, okay, well, maybe I could do three a week. And then I was like okay, monday, wednesday and Friday. And then I'm like, okay, we had a new baby.

Speaker 1: 16:57

And I'm like all all right, the baby comes first, the wife comes first yeah let's do this every Monday, and so I try to stick to every Monday and then sometimes I don't, and to me it has taken so much personal growth for me to say that's okay, it's like, oh, like man, and then, like a podcast like this where I'm interviewing somebody, I can chop it up and make it into two parts and then you got two weeks right there that I can actually separate it that way, if I need that buffer or there's a lot of other stuff going on.

Speaker 1: 17:32

I can say no, it'll be OK. It'll be when I get back.

Speaker 2: 17:37

That's it. It'll be there when you get back. I am just like you. I was just like I'm a yes, come on. Oh, you want me to do that? Absolutely. I love people. I love people. I want to be in their world, I want them in mine and I'm just like, okay, now I got to pull back because I always wanted to be there. I'm supporting people wherever. When they're having something going on, I'm there, I was there and I'm like all right, I'm gonna have to pull back, I'm gonna have to say no something.

Speaker 1: 18:04

I have to say no, I'm not 20 anymore yeah, I've taken five or six naps in the day.

Speaker 1: 18:09

It's probably time for me to say something right right so right, uh, as we kind of wrap it up so, so from your perspective, all the marriages, the divorce, the kids, the trauma, the baggage, the wearing that backpack and then going, and you—God kind of brought you out of the desert into the promised land and gave you a ministry. From your trouble, from your mess-ups, he made a message. I think that's one of the most beautiful things God does in our lives Beyond the cross is he takes that and he says look, you've done this. Now watch what I can do with all the bad you've done.

Speaker 1: 18:53

Yes, someone who is right now in the middle of the worst battle of their life Like they. They're battling depression, anxiety, the, the uh, the weight of being a mother, being a father and and feeling like they're not enough, feeling like they can't do it, feeling like they're struggling. Obviously, when there's a divorce, there's a split in finances so they may have to move back in with somebody else, that they or they would never go back to their parents' house. And here they are because there was no other option. If they wanted to eat, they had to move back in with somebody. So what would you, as a woman who has been through it and has learned and gained wisdom. What would you as closing thoughts, how? What would you say to someone who is in the middle of what you've already walked through?

Speaker 2: 19:43

the wisdom for them is is, first of all, is have patience. Um, have patience, and not only that, not only having patience, but forgiving yourself. Start up. Let me say, start with that. First, forgive yourself for where you, because a lot of times we internalize and we take it in. And it's me, and now I don't forgive myself. But we have to start there by first forgiving ourselves. Forgive ourselves for where we are and then having grace, having patience and understand.

Speaker 2: 20:16

As long as you're holding on to faith and trusting in God, you're going to come out of it. Do not give in. Don't give in. Do not give up. Stay in the fight. You're going to be okay at the end. And I'll tell anyone do not throw in the towel, as hard as it may feel or how hard it may seem. Trust me, when you get to the other side, you're going to say I could have went through that again, even though you're like right now oh no, I'll never go through that again. But when you get to that other side, you're like you know what? It wasn't so bad after all If I had to go through that to get to where I am now. I will go through it again, but the thing is do not give up hope. Make sure, please give yourself that time. Forgive yourself, spend some time with yourself and understand who you are, so you can be able to forgive yourself and move forward.

Speaker 1: 21:10

That's good. If you're going through that, listen to her. She knows what she's talking about. She understands your pain and everything. The Bible promises this that God works everything for the good of those that love the Lord. Everything, both good, both bad. He will work it for your good. She, probably in the middle of the desert, did not think that God was going to transform all of the stuff, the baggage, into a ministry. I mean, what a beautiful story, what a beautiful testimony of what the cross can do when you give everything over to God. So any closing thoughts before we close it out for the night, anything else.

Speaker 2: 21:53

Yeah, I'm just going to say just surrender your will and surrender your way to God, Wherever you are, no matter where you are right now. Surrender your will, Because a lot of times we're holding on to our own will, holding on to our own way. Surrender it over to God and let God come in and heal. The other thing I want to say is let's all pull together, let's heal so we can win.

Speaker 1: 22:16

Amen, amen, marquette, thank you so much for joining me tonight. Thank y'all for joining the live stream. If you haven't yet, please give a thumbs up to this video. Also, make sure you subscribe, go to Facebook, go to Instagram, tiktok to see daily reels and weekly videos. And make sure on YouTube you hit that bell notification so that you can see every time I put out a new video. Thank y'all so much and I hope that y'all have an amazing rest of your night.