A Spooky Indian Woman Speaks From God To Help Her Get Back To Jesus

What if you could find strength and healing from even the darkest trauma? Join me and my brave guest, as she reveals her chilling journey of surviving homelessness and trauma. Our conversation uncovers the terrifying experiences she endured throughout her childhood and the extreme measures she took to protect herself. We discuss the tumultuous events at her family's property, the threat of sexual assault she narrowly escaped, and the crucial role of Barry Brown, her guardian angel, who helped her survive the chaos.

In the second part of our talk, prepare to be moved by the transformative power of faith and forgiveness. My guest takes us through her path of overcoming childhood trauma, sharing her fears and unhealthy decisions that stemmed from it. Listen to her heart-rending story of receiving a turquoise cross from her mother, a significant turning point in her life, and her journey towards forgiveness following a damaging affair. This is a tale of resilience, faith, and redemption, illustrating how focusing on the present and moving forward can turn a life around. Don't miss out on this profound conversation that shows, no matter how dark the past, there's always hope for a brighter future.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

I was almost raped twice once. It got really really close to what People out there at the party yes, yes, and the one that it got really really close with, that man actually did go to prison later on for raping a 13-year-old and so but he was on me and he had my pants down and I was struggling. But Faith and Failures podcast and our dad, I mean, he like went way, way out and then and our brothers did too, and when we moved out onto that land and we're living in that lane too, it wasn't just we're homeless living in a tent, it was we're homeless on this land, and every criminal, every drug addict, every alcoholic came there. They knew it was the safest place to party, to run from the law. Run from the law, I mean to hide. You got released from prison. Where'd you get them? You come out there and hide. You know cause we'll hide. Now, was it yours land? Yes, oh, okay, yeah, it was just random land. No, it was ours. It was ours Cause when our mom died it paid the land off, and so at one point in time, after the lane too, my dad had somehow bought this little tiny trailer house that could probably fit in your kitchen here and but we still didn't have any water, electricity and we lived in that and the parties got bigger and more people and I was learning to, I was trying to survive, I was. I was almost raped twice Once. It got really really close to what there's people out there at the party, yes, yes, and the one that it got really really close with, that man actually did go to prison later on for raping a 13 year old and so, but he was, he was on me and he was. He had my, my pants down and I was struggling, but a guy that was like a brother to us. You know him, barry Brown. Okay, that was Barry Brown. Yep, he was like he and to this day he's like a brother to me.

Speaker 1: 1:59

He actually came in and seen what was happening and got the guy off of me and said, hey, nobody's supposed to be in the house, I don't know why you're in the house and I supposed to be in the house. And but I didn't realize at the time God didn't reveal it to me till a couple of years ago that that was the time that I decided, okay, god's not protecting me, nobody's protecting me, I've got to protect myself. And so I went into, I would put on two and three layers of clothes. I would go into my room when they would have these parties which this trailer house had had those little sliding doors which I mean you could not come off the engine you know what I'm saying. But I would put up this cot that I had, cause we didn't have furniture, and I would put it up against the door and I would lay in the cot up against the door so that if somebody did come in I would know that they're trying to get in.

Speaker 1: 2:46

I learned to stay up all night and sleep at school and then I was getting in trouble at school because I was sleeping at school. And so don't take shower wars unless you have protection in the house. No, no, no, things like that. I didn't go to other people's houses and take showers because I was scared.

Speaker 1: 3:04

I didn't recently start taking showers in my own home alone until about a year ago when my daughter said I had told her she was leaving and I was like hey see, can you wait so I could take a shower? And she was like I can't you take a shower if I'm not here? Yeah, so you never said this to her before. Nobody knew this. No, nobody knew it. No, I didn't even realize that I was doing it. You suppressed it, you know, until it's healthy.

Speaker 1: 3:25

And I think what happens is, when you live a childhood like I had to live, it becomes your normal, so you don't think of it as a insecurity or a flaw or a I mean, I'm not sure what's wrong or like an unhealthy, like an unhealthy decision to make, or trauma, trauma, maybe trauma. Yeah. So we make decisions based on the trauma and a lot of times those decisions are not. They're based on fear. So fear doesn't come from the Lord. So the actions that you're taking and that you're raising your children in are not healthy.

Speaker 1: 4:03

So it was just a you said something to your daughter about staying there and you clicked yes. And I was like she said why can't you take a shower while you're here in the house by yourself? And I was like because somebody might break in. And she's like, yeah, some random persons walking around the house, mom, looking to break in, to come get you out of the shower. And I was like, okay, that does sound a little crazy. I'm like, okay, see, you can leave, I'll take a shower. Okay, it's right, there's so honest, you know, but you do these kinds of things and I think what happens and this is the beautiful thing about it is through my life, the decisions and choices I made before crossed, before I had him, was who I was. But when he entered, he slowly begins to clean your life out because he wants me to be closer to him and he can't have me living in fear because I won't take a shower. You know what I'm saying. He's releasing me from the prisons that I've imprisoned myself to try to avoid hurts. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 5:02

And then I even realized too this is what I was gonna tell you earlier when I was almost raped and I had closed God out because I was like you don't got me. You know, I'm gonna have to get my own self. A year or so ago, about the same time, I realized that God did protect me. That guy did not rape me, he didn't make it. God sent Barry in to rescue me. It wasn't Barry that rescued me, it was God that rescued me.

Speaker 1: 5:30

And so it was like my perspective was wrong. And God has to change our perspective because we're overcoming, we're healing, and then, through that process, our perspective has to change so that I can go out and do what we're doing now, because there's other children out there who have been raped, who have been neglected, who have been sex traffic, you know, and they need someone to be able to say you know what that happened to you. But, guys, how I'm used, that you know. You're not broken, your well, romans 828. You know how God takes things that you know have happened to us, or things that right, and turns those to the good. Yes, you know, and that's what it does. Yes, sanctification.

Speaker 1: 6:13

And I can remember, after all, that you know being 13 and I can. I tried to kill myself. I actually took the razor blade, I've done it the long way, the right way, and Blood started coming out and I started freaking out and I was putting toilet paper on it, I was wrapping a sock around it and I was crying because I was just like you know what God? Huh, I don't make cry about it, but I'm healed from it. But it, when I talk about it, it's beautiful, you know, because I can see where I was and where I am now.

Speaker 1: 6:38

But I can remember thinking you know, god, if you just get me out of here, you know I'll serve you for the rest of my days and he sent Aaron, which we did go about it the wrong way. We got pregnant and we got married. Well, you didn't say you would serve him perfectly, sister, right, right, and I still feel it's all right to get down. This war was always a dude. But like I was reading the Old Testament and I like, holy crap, how can they keep track of all this stuff? Yes, yes, there's no way. Yes, thank you, chief, are you talking about me? I'm so glad you love me, lord. Yes, I am. Yes, I'm so glad that we live under grace, oh, yeah, and not the law, because I failed, me too, I've not been a very good Gentile, and so we Feel better. I know that's right, yeah, yeah. But then I mean, I can remember those words so plainly because once I got out of it, me and Aaron did not put God where he was supposed to be I was like, oh, I'm out, I'm free, and here's my night and trying to learn. We can just live life away. We want to.

Speaker 1: 7:40

Well, I didn't realize that Aaron was an alcoholic, okay, so I just thought we drank together. Well, when I got pregnant, I quit drinking, because I just done it, because I hated my life and I wanted to die. You know, I thought, well, he can just give it up to. Well, he couldn't, he liked it for whatever reason. And I can remember telling him, cuz it's real and I don't need a rupture, yeah, but it's like, oh gosh, I just can't see beautiful, yeah, see, anyway. Well, he, where she said, you know, okay, beat on, join on. And she didn't finish the word. I did, yeah, and so I can remember telling Aaron I feel Satan is honest, we need to get in church, we need it.

Speaker 1: 8:19

And this is when Selena is probably about 34 champion, a little older at time. It's kind of no, it was about that time, cuz we're members, she's in kindergarten, yeah, when you went to, yeah, wherever it was. So I told Aaron that and he said I'm not going to church and I'm out where, just not. And so I was like, okay, well, fine, then I'll just join you. So then I started drinking with you. Well, then I started going across the street because at this time we were living in that trailer house that my dad had gotten, but we had water and electric. Then, yeah, and my dad had a trailer house across the way and I would go over to my dad's house to smoke weed with my dad.

Speaker 1: 8:54

And then it escalated to this was back when AOL was a big thing. Yeah, I remember those days, okay, and I had gotten on there and started chatting next thing you know, moving me and my child. Oh, how I have an affair on Aaron in the whole time I'm telling her look, you're married, you can't run with single people. Yeah, it's just not gonna work. Yeah, it's two different. What? Yes, yes, well, they're not. Yeah, then I come back and I moved my two cousins in to the house with us that are single. We started going clubbing and drinking and partying.

Speaker 1: 9:28

You've moved back through an old Indian woman that had tarquoise jewelry, which was something that the Lord worked through at that time. At that very moment, I moved back because of that reason. Yes, yes, when I was in Ohio, I had went to a little store and it was like a. It looked like a little wooden shack, but it was a little old store. I had went in there and I was just looking around. I love how God works. I was just watching these, my love. This little Indian woman had come out, which Indians mean a lot to me because I come from Cherokee Indians and that's just. I'm in all of them.

Speaker 1: 10:09

Our mother loved turquoise. Yes, she did. She had to ring on every finger that was turquoise. This little lady come out. She had to ring on every finger that was turquoise. The little lady. She had come up and she handed me this cross necklace that had a stone in the middle of it. That was turquoise. She said I want you to put this on and I want you to go home. I said what this lady did not know my sister. She said I know you're running from something. It was the whole thing. I know it was total God, because she said I know you're running from something and I know you're not where you belong. I want you to take this cross, put it on your neck, and I want you to get your kid and I want you to go home where you're from. She didn't read your AOL. Okay, thank you, that's right. Get the money, yeah, and I mean I was just like okay, so I loaded up Selena, we got in that truck and we left and I came home.

Speaker 1: 10:58

It took two years of beating myself up. I didn't. I came back to Aaron, but I believe it is the imprisonment of shame and guilt but I moved out of our trailer house and I moved into a house in town and Aaron would come all the time whenever he was at home from work because he worked out tail, and he would say I love you, I just want to get back together. And I would tell him I don't love you, I just want you to leave me alone. Because at that time, okay, my Aaron, first off, was the only man that I'd ever been with intimate. He was the one and only.

Speaker 1: 11:27

So when I had that affair, it crushed me. I couldn't even believe that I'd done it. I cried the whole time. I couldn't even believe I'd done it. But it's like when you're in a whirlwind. You know what I'm saying. You don't know how to get out. And he forgave me instantly, wanted me to come back instantly. I couldn't forgive myself. You get out the way Peter got out. You know what I'm saying when he stepped out of that boat and he started to sink and Jesus said, basically, focus on me, that's how you get out of, whatever the. But at the time you don't know that. Faith and Thalia's podcast.